


Time After Time

by moussescientist



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Immortals, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Murder, There will be a lot of death, chasing each other across centuries, the messed up things we do to each other, there are ancestors to other Grishaverse characters in here too, what if alina and aleks were born at basically the same time?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moussescientist/pseuds/moussescientist
Summary: Aleksander was the question and Alina was the answer. Born at the same time and burdened by eternity, they somehow keep running into each other. A connection blooms between them, but can it overcome his ambition and her morality?
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 58
Kudos: 160





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first posted fic. Its probably going to be a long one if I continue with it (I plan to coninute it if yall like it since this plot is unraveling in my head rn). Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Story wise, I am pulling a lot of elements of Aleksander's childhood and past from Demon in the Woods, so *spoilers* if you havent read that novella yet (go read it, its very short!). You don't need to have read the Grisha trilogy, but it will be helpful in understanding what is going on.

It was during a brutal, unforgiving winter storm in the mountains between what would one day be known as Ravka and Fjerda that _he_ arrived. He laid quiet, wet, and warm in the arms of a beautiful woman with long black hair and black eyes. He shared many of her features; like her, he was beautiful, and like her, he was blessed with power, wit, and cunning. A blessing that was too dangerous for one person alone. The storm seemed to agree as it endlessly battered against their small cottage, seeming as if it wanted to get inside and wrap its cold fingers around his tiny body, but his mother and the cottage stood defiant. “This is for me,” she whispered, “my boy, my Aleksander.” But nature itself knew better. The birth of such great power had raised a question to the universe. So, it answered, a few months later, with the arrival of _her_. A girl, Alina, born on a warm summer day in the mountains that laid between Ravka and Shu Han, to parents that were young and loving, in a house that her family had lived in for generations. She was tiny, mild, and meek, but she only _looked_ like a mouse, for she held within her a power as great and magnificent as his.

Their childhood was nothing alike and everything alike.

* * *

The boy followed his mother Baghra across the country, never able to stay in one place for too long. He went by many different names. When he was named Pyotr they stayed in a lively hostel on the outskirts of Os Alta, where his mother had charmed the _otkazat’sya_ owner. At night, his mother would smile at the silly but sensible man and laugh at his terrible jokes before following him upstairs, and during the day she would sit with Pyotr at a table in the corner of the tavern downstairs, teaching him of the world.

“Watch them,” she said, “See what they tell you without speaking.” He wanted nothing more than to play and talk with the other children, but instead he sat stoically, watching all the people coming and going day in and day out. One day, his mother pointed to an older man who sat alone at the end of the bar and said to Pyotr, “Tell me about him.”

The man wore a dark wool coat, torn and stained from years of use, and had shaggy blonde hair that went to his shoulders. He was dirty and in need of a bath, but then again, most people in this place were, for times were tough and baths did not come cheap. He was a man Pyotr had seen several times before, for every day the man came and sat in the same chair at the end of the bar, ordered a glass of _kvas_ , and swirled the cup in his hand, taking small sips here and there. He would sit there, swirling and sipping, chatting with the bartender, for hours before finally leaving. The regularity of the man’s visits and his fascination with his glass suggested to Pyotr that he was a drunk who spent his days wasting away at the bar. He told his mother as much and she merely scoffed at him. “You can do better than that, Pyotr.” She glared at him with a small smile that he had come to welcome and fear, and it was clear that she wanted more from him, so he looked back to the man.

The man sat as usual with his face pointed downward toward his glass. Nothing had changed from Pyotr’s earlier observations. He was about to tell his mother that this was ridiculous, the man was clearly a drunk, when he noticed something. The man had his face turned toward his drink, but his eyes drifted up to look at the bartender as she smiled and poured a drink for another patron. It was only a quick glance, but there was clear affection in his eyes. Then Pyotr looked to the man’s drink and realized that despite all his time in the bar, his stirring and sipping, the man had barely drunk anything. It became clear to Pyotr that the only thing the man was drunk on was the soft smiles and warm laughter of a beautiful woman. And she was beautiful, Pyotr realized. She had dark brown hair that glinted gold in the rays of sunlight the beamed in through the window and flowed past her shoulders, and she had a smile that lit up the whole room. Then Pyotr saw that the patron she was currently serving was smiling at her with the same affection as the man in the dark coat, and there were others all along the bar who were watching her.

“He comes here every day just to see the bartender. He is infatuated with her.” Pytor spoke softly to his mother, while keeping his eyes trained on the man at the bar.

“Good,” his mother said quickly, “what else?”

“Most of the other people at the bar come here for her as well.” Pyotr replied, then added as he studied the woman “She enjoys their attention but does not return it.”

His mother leaned closer to him, as if trying to see the woman through his eyes “Why?”

Pyotr watched the men hand her tips, “Because she makes more money this way.”

His mother leaned back as she said “Yes, but that’s not all of it, boy. Look closer.”

Pyotr studied the bartender as she began talking to the owner, sharing smiles with him like she shared with all the others, but he saw nothing else. After a few quiet moments, his mother released an exasperated sigh as she straightened in her chair and yelled across the room “Michail!” The owner immediately turned his head toward his mother and walked briskly toward their table. He was a tall man with a big belly and a long beard. Deep lines formed around his eyes, for he was a silly sort of man who was always laughing or smiling and never knew a stranger. _A weakness_ , Pyotr thought.

Michail took his mother’s raised hand and planted a sloppy kiss on it. “My dear Irina,” he bellowed with a laugh, “How are you and little Pyotr this fine day?” Like Aleksander, his mother went by many names. His mother replied but Pyotr had no interest in her games or in the silly mans feigned interest in him. Instead, he tuned out their conversation and watched the bartender. This time he did not miss the quick look of disgust that she shot towards their table, or the way in which she was suddenly more enthusiastic in the serving of her customers. His mother whispered something in Michail’s ear, and he nodded at her enthusiastically and walked, clearly flustered, back towards the bar. The bartender saw Michail’s excited expression and was unable to hide the frown that grew on her lips.

“She is in love with him.” Pyotr stated matter-of-factly to Irina. “She promotes the patrons’ affections because she wants to make him jealous.”

“Better,” Irina replied curtly. She wore a contemplative look on her face as she stared after Michail. They sat together in silence for a few moments before Irina continued, “Beauty and vanity are fine, sharp weapons to be wielded… but love is a poison.” She finally looked directly at Aleksander as she said “It is far more powerful and subtle a weapon, but don’t ever be foolish enough to fall victim to its whims. Do you hear me, boy?” She grasped his hand tightly and looked at him with an almost manic expression on her face, as if this were life or death. He nodded quickly and empathically. Irina eased her grip, regaining her composure and planting a pleasant expression on her face. “Good,” she said as she glanced back at the bar, “I think it is time we moved on.”

* * *

Aleksander took to his mother Baghra’s lessons well, for he was an attentive child and an apt pupil. In addition to his observational skills, she taught him to hone his power, a power that she also shared. They were a special type of Grisha that could summon the shadows and darkness. This rare and unique ability that granted them great power was made greater by their also being living amplifiers. The combination of these things in Aleksander and Baghra made them eternal, though Aleksander was too young to be burdened by such a notion then.

Although the shadows answered to him, he grew fearful of them late at night when his mother was away for weeks at a time and he had no light to see by in the damp cold of whatever hovel she had left him in. He wished often in those moments that he had the ability to summon the sun, and he dreamed frequently of the warm, buttery color of sunlight as it danced along the fingers of a pretty girl with bright eyes.

As he grew older, he grew impatient and antsy. His mother had already mastered the Cut at his age, yet he could barely manage to slice an apple. And he wished more and more to interact with the local children of whichever town they stayed in next. How was he to improve his social skills if he could not practice? More than that, he wondered why they must constantly hide their identities, their nature, when it was them that held power and were blessed by the universe itself. Such thoughts troubled him often.

When he was Erik, he met a girl his age, a water summoner, named Annika in a village that sat in the same mountains in which he was born, composed entirely of other Grisha. Erik and his mother started searching for these villages, as they offered a safe place for him to practice and hone his abilities, but they were never truly safe. Erik and his mother were an oddity, an abomination even to Grisha, so it was never long before the others grew suspicious, or fearful, or suspicious because they were fearful. When times are rough, people are afraid of that which they do not understand, and times were always rough for the Grisha. He learned this lesson well after he had agreed to meet Annika at a local pond one night after dinner, and she promptly attempted to smash his skull with a rock so that she could wear his bones as an amplifier. That was the first time he had truly used the Cut.

A lesser man might’ve blamed Annika for her greed and ruthlessness, but Aleksander was no lesser man. Instead, this near-death experience provided him with a mission, a singular focus. Annika’s betrayal made clear to him that the mighty Grisha would always be confined to the shadows, to grovel for scraps and whatever little bits of extra strength they could find, unless someone made the world safe. Unless he made the world safe – for his mother, for him, for Annika, for all of them. Nothing would stand in his way. No one could make him to falter. No one until _her_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is *spoiler* (but maybe not since alina being an orphan is canon) parent death in this chapter. Nothing is described graphically, but proceed accordingly.

The girl was a happy child. She lived on the outskirts of a small village nestled in a valley within the Sikurzoi, where her family had a small wheat farm on the peak of a hill that overlooked the village. She passed her days grinding flour, kneading dough for bread, and helping her parents with their small stand where they sold their goods at market. Her life was an easy routine, and although she could see herself doing this forever, she had an active imagination and dreamed of seeing the world beyond their valley. One day, as she sat on a branch at the top of the tree that hung over her home, she swore she could see a giant arch beyond the mountains and foothills.

“Madraya! Come look!” She yelled from her spot high up in the tree.

Her mother walked out from their home and turned her head towards her daughter as she wiped her floury hands on an apron. “Alina Starkov! Get down from there!”

“But madraya, look! I can see Dva Stolba!” She insisted. Dva Stolba was the capital city of the southernmost Ravkan nation-state and was ruled by a lord who proclaimed himself as the protector of all of Ravka. He offered Alina’s village protection from the always invading Shu but required significant offerings of food and money from the villagers in return. The city’s name came from the giant arch his ancestors had built along the mountain pass that led into Shu Han, which served as a show of Ravkan might and a warning to any potential Shu invaders. Alina had never been to Dva Stolba, but she knew it was only a day’s ride away on the road that led out of their village through the mountains, and she had heard many tales about the magnificent arch that towered overhead.

Her mother was a realistic and sensible sort of woman, and she had her hands full with a boisterous girl like Alina. “Dva Stolba is on the other side of the mountain, Alina,” she sighed. “You would be lucky if you could even see past the first hill.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Karine,” her father drawled as he rounded the corner of their home. The first hints of orange and purple in the sky over the hills marked the end of the day, and the return of Alina’s father from his work in the fields. “In that tall tree she may well be able to see all the way to Os Alta.” Alina gasped in excitement and squinted her eyes harder towards the horizon as if she could see the golden dome of the palace itself.

Her mother released an exasperated sigh and put her hands on her hips as she regarded her husband. She spoke in a low tone, but her voice drifted to Alina on the breeze. “You mustn’t put such wild thoughts in her head, Maxim. What will the villagers say when our girl claims to have seen Dva Stolba without ever having left town, hm? They already think us witches.”

He laughed and brushed off her concerns. “They will just say she has an overactive imagination, but we will know the truth, won’t we?” He said as he looked up to where Alina stood in the tree. She beamed down at him with large brown eyes that matched his, and they traded smiles as if they were sharing a secret between them. “Now come down from there and help your mother with dinner. Even the sun must set, moya sol.”

Alina hurried down the tree and ran into her father’s open arms as he guided them all back inside. Alina indeed helped her mother knead the dough that night for the bread that would be baked fresh and eaten warm for dinner. She took well to the task, the easy back and forth movements of her hands that mirrored her mother’s own movements making her feel more connected to the world. Yet she couldn’t help the restless feeling that sat low in her gut.

* * *

At night before bed, her father often boasted of their home and hill. Of how this land had been tilled by their family for generations, and even though the land around theirs had grown dry and their neighbor’s harvests less bountiful, their wheat still came in strong. _A blessing from the saints_ , like Alina.

“But we must be humble,” he would tell her, “It may very well be us with dead fields next season. We can only hope for the Saints’ continued blessings and pass our good fortune on to others.”

Although her father repeated this mantra to her every harvest, their crops had never died or dried out. They shared their bounty with the village, selling all of their available wheat for the lowest possible price and offering a large portion of their goods for the village’s protection, but the villagers still looked upon them with suspicion. “Witches.” The village children whispered sometimes when Alina walked by, “Grisha.”

Alina had heard stories of the Grisha from her father, of people who could perform miracles. She would listen in wonder as he told her of people who could call down lightening, turn into bears, and build impervious cities. 

“Magic.” Alina would whisper, bewildered.

“Magic is the thing of creation,” her father would reply, in his warm and friendly way. “This,” he would say as he grasped Alina’s hand and ran his fingers along her palm, “Is the small science.”

Alina dreamed often of witches crushing fragrant herbs for colorful potions, of magnificent warriors summoning bright red flames for battle, and of a beautiful boy with quartz grey eyes as he summoned shadows in a dim, candlelit room. While she knew her family couldn’t do any of that, the fervor with which the village whispered about them and the intensity of their gaze made Alina doubt herself. She asked her father one day as they walked home from the village whether they were Grisha.

He laughed, but Alina did not miss the way he stiffened at her question, nor the momentary falter in his step. “Of course not, what would make you think such a thing?”

“The villagers…,” she replied meekly, “the things they whisper about us-“

“Do not worry about such things, moya sol,” her father cut in, “Our friends are struggling and so they look for someone to blame. They like to gossip, but the whispers will pass in time.” Her father gave her a confidant smile, but it did nothing to help ease her worries.

That night as she laid in bed, she could hear the hushed whispers of her parents in the kitchen down the hall as they argued. She could not make out the words, but she couldn’t help the feeling that they were arguing about her.

The next day no one in the village whispered of witches or Grisha; instead, they whispered of an approaching Shu army that had been spotted not far from the village.

Alina’s village was nestled at the bottom of a valley, surrounded by tall mountains so that there was only one way in or out. This bottleneck made their village easy to protect, but it also left them vulnerable and trapped if an army ever did come. With the shortages in food recently, the villages offerings to the lord had diminished and they worried that he may no longer protect them from the Shu.

Many of the villagers brushed off these concerns.

“He will not let the Shu ransack this village. He needs our grain.”

“So close to Dva Stolba? Ha! It would be like handing over the city itself.”

Alina’s mother and father listened carefully to their friends and neighbors’ ramblings about whether there was any cause for concern. As usual, in public they wore an air of confident optimism, but the mood that night in the Starkov home was a worried one. Until her mother had a special announcement.

“We were thinking,” her mother posed that night as they ate warm bread dipped in a creamy chicken broth. “We have friends in Dva Stolba that we haven’t seen in ages. The air is cool, and the harvest is almost over…we should visit.” She looked to Alina and smiled. “You can finally see the arch of Dva Stolba up close. It’ll be our first trip as a family.” Alina was immediately sold. The rest of the dinner she rambled excitedly about all the things she wanted to do and see. Her parents were accommodating and made promises to do all of that and more. Alina did not think once about why they wanted to go on a trip so suddenly. Instead, as she talked and smiled and laughed with her parents, the promise of a new adventure lifting their spirits, she thought that this might be the happiest night of her life.

She will look back on this night many times over the coming centuries and think differently.

* * *

It was very early in the morning when Alina’s mother woke her with a rough shake.

“Alina-“ her mother spoke sharply.

“Madraya its too early.” Alina whined as she rolled over. Her mother yanked her back and Alina’s eyes blinked open.

“We have to leave.” Her mother said urgently. “Now. Get up.”

“What’s happening?” Alina asked groggily as she got up from her bed. Her mother ran around the house throwing bits of food and clothes into a small sack.

“They’ve invaded the village.” Her mother replied hastily.

“What? Where is papa?”

“Nearby.” Her mother said curtly. She grabbed Alina and dragged her, half-asleep, towards the door. As soon as her mother threw the door open and rushed them outside, Alina saw it. The bright red color of flames as they danced and flickered in the village below. The silhouettes of soldiers as they marched up the hill towards their home. There were at least 10 of them. Some carried tall spears with golden tassels, and others carried torches that lit up their bright green uniforms. They yelled words at her father, who stood defiantly before them, in a language Alina did not understand.

“Maxim!” Her mother screamed.

Her father turned back to face his wife and daughter. “It is too late!” He yelled. “Go!” His eyes locked with Alina’s then, and they stared at each other for a second- for a lifetime- before he turned back to face the invaders. Her mother released a sob as she yanked Alina back, forcing her turn away and run from the only home she ever knew.

Alina turned her head to glance at her father three times before she was too far away to see anything at all.

The first time, she saw him standing with his legs spread and arms raised above his head like a supplicant.

The second time, she saw a flash of lightening as it struck the group of Shu invaders.

The third time, she saw the glint of a golden tasseled spear as it plunged through his chest.

Alina and her mother ran down the hill toward the forest and mountains as fast as their legs could move them, so fast that Alina's mother had dropped the sack as they raced down the hill. Yet behind them, the sounds of boots hitting the ground grew closer and closer. More shouted words in a language Alina did not understand flew past her ears – though she did recognize one word, shouted over and over. _Grisha! Grisha!_

Alina’s mother had not stopped crying, and the weight of her fear and despair was growing on her, slowing them both down. As the sounds grew louder, closer, Karine stopped and knelt before her daughter, holding her small face in her hands. “Keep- keep running,“ she gasped in between sobs “I have to lead them away but you must keep going no matter what. Do you understand?” Her mother searched Alinas eyes desperately. “Tell me you understand.”

“Yes madraya.” Alina replied, tears streaming down her round cheeks. Her mother kissed her softly and quickly on the forehead before giving Alina a light shove in the direction of the deeper part of the forest.

Alina kept running. Even when she heard the screams. Even when the sounds of conflict grew faint and distant and she could no longer smell the smoke. She did not turn back.

Eventually, Alina’s feet could carry her no further and she collapsed between the roots of a large tree. Now, sitting still, the gravity of the situation overtook her as she cried into her hands. Her parents were likely dead. Her home burned. Her village destroyed. She was alone in the world and always would be.

And she was cold. Now that she wasn’t moving, she realized how cold it really was. In their haste to leave the house Alina had not been able to put on a coat or shoes, so she wore only a simple night gown, and her mother had accidentally dropped the small sack she filled with clothes and food as they fled. A chill crept along her toes and feet, which were damp and covered in leaves. They hurt, she realized suddenly. It was like she had forgotten to feel them until now. To feel anything.

She pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees as she tried to use her gown as a blanket to keep herself warm, but it did not work. Shivers wracked her body as she resigned herself to the fact that she would die out here in the dark. Then she thought of her father. He would not give up so easily. _He did not give up so easily_.

Alina lifted her hands to look at her upturned palms as she remembered the image of her father lifting his arms to the sky, summoning lightening like a god. _Magic_. She thought. Then his old refrain came back to her. _No…this_ , she thought as she rubbed her thumb over the center of her palm, _is the small science_.

She then lifted her arms and hands like she had seen him do only hours before and tried to summon… something. She knew not what. It did not work. Then she remembered his stance, with his legs spread. She found the strength to stand, wobbly, on her feet as she stood, legs apart and feet firm on the ground, and lifted her arms again to the sky as if in prayer. Nothing again. She slumped back against the tree, exhausted. The cold crept up her legs and into her heart. She was so tired. So very, very tired. She just needed some rest, to close her eyes for a few moments.

“ _You must keep going, moya sol_.” A voice whispered in her mind.

“But I am tired…,” She whined. ”And cold… it’s so dark.”

The voice chuckled back. “ _Darkness is just the absence of light. And you-,_ “ it said empathically. “ _You are the sun_.” 

Alina, despite feeling empty and lost and broken, lifted her palms once more. “Please.” she whispered. And that is when she felt it. A quiet hum in her blood, a power filling the void of her heart and rising into her fingertips. A light, warm and glowing, grew in the palms of her hands, the beams bleeding through her fingers.

She brought her arms down and cradled it – this warmth that radiated out of her. Her little sun. The darkness, too, seemed to cradle her light in an embrace, like it was welcoming an old friend. She sat there with her little ball of light until the sun rose, until her feet were warm and the heat of it had dried her tears. Then, she got up and kept going.

* * *

At some point, Alina had made it through the forest and onto the road. She didn’t know where it led – whether back toward the village or beyond- but she kept going. It was not long before she ran into a regiment of soldiers traveling along the road on horseback. Leading the regiment on a white horse sat a tall, broad man who was the shiniest person Alina had ever seen. He wore a brilliant blue military jacket that held numerous medals and ribbons, bleached white slacks that reflected the sun, and polished black boots. His blonde hair was sleeked back, and he had a stern, hard look on his face. When he saw Alina hobbling along the side of the road, he ordered the regiment to stop and dismounted from his horse before approaching her.

He relaxed his expression into a tight smile as he stood tall before her.

“Hello there.” He paused, as if waiting for Alina to say something. She did not. “My name is Dimitri Petrov. Who might you be?” He paused again and Alina still said nothing, standing still and resolute in her silence. She did not know who Dimitri Petrov was, and while his uniforms did not match the bright green of those that haunted her memories she had been told never to talk to strangers. Now that she was alone in the world and had no one to protect her or care for her, she saw no reason to start now.

Dimitri lifted a brow, and an amused smile quirked his lips. “Nothing, eh? Very well then, I shall call you… Neya. Where are your parents?” Alina glanced down and shook her head. Dimitri frowned. “Do you have any family nearby?” Alina shook her head again.

He studied her tattered gown, her dirty and bloody feet, her tangled brown hair, and tear-stained cheeks. A sad look passed his eyes. He walked back to the regiment and spoke quietly to one of the soldiers at the front before returning to Alina with an outstretched hand.

“Come with me, child. I will make sure you are taken care of.” Alina eyed his hand suspiciously. He laughed and considered her for a moment before taking his free hand and placing it over his heart. He stood straight and at attention as he said, “I swear on my kingdom and all that I own that no more harm will come to you, by my hand or anyone else’s.”

Alina considered the shiny man, and the regiment of soldiers behind him. On her own she did not know where to go or what to do, and she did not think he would continue letting her go on alone. And while she did not trust him, as she stared into his deep brown eyes- eyes that looked like her fathers, like hers- she realized she did not _dis_ trust him. A whisper in her blood told her to take his hand. So, hesitantly, she did.

He led her back to his horse and lifted her atop it. She had never ridden a horse before, but the man was gentle and patient as he showed her how to grip the reins. Her night gown was long enough that it covered most of her legs as she straddled the horse, but Dimitri had a large wool blanket brought over and draped around her shoulders and over her legs anyways.

“We are not far from town, little Neya.” He said with a warm smile. “Once we are back home,” _Home_. Alina did not think she would ever have a home again, but she did not tell him that. “My servants will make sure you are alright, and then we will find your relatives.” Alina had no relatives that she knew of. Her parents had spoken of friends in Dva Stolba the night before, but Alina had no knowledge of them beyond that.

Dimitri walked alongside his horse as he led Alina and the regiment through the mountain pass. As they followed the curve of the road, Alina finally glimpsed it. The famous arch of Dva Stolba. As the rest of the city came into view, she saw houses with thatched roofs and plastered walls around what could only be described as a fortress. Thick walls of grey granite encircled a large city center that held brick homes with tin roofs. Beyond them, on a hill that towered over the city, sat a castle of white limestone. Or what Alina had always imagined a castle to look like. It stretched high into the sky and had multiple pointy towers and turrets. Alina’s heart raced for she had never seen anything so magnificent, but it was bittersweet. She wished more than anything to share this experience with her parents. 

People bowed and whispered as Dimitri weaved them through the town. They had just reached the castle when, at last, he stopped walking. He smiled up at the brilliant white palace as he said, “Welcome to Dom Ogni.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: A girl grows up, and a teenage boy and his mom stop for a visit in Dva Stolba... wonder who they will meet ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. Has some of my favorite lines so far, though. Enjoy. ;)

Once they arrived at Dom Ogni, Dimitri did exactly as he had promised. Servants rushed Alina off the horse and carried her into the house where she was scrubbed with smelly soaps in a large bath. They then tended to her injuries, which were mostly just minor scrapes and bruises, except for her feet which were sore and swollen. She was then left alone in her room with a tray of cut-up fruits, bread, and cheeses, and was told to rest and recover.

The room she had been given was as large as her home had been. Green velvet curtains covered wide windows that looked down on the city, and lavish carpets with oriental designs blanketed a stone floor. In the middle of the room sat a plush bed that was at least 5 times Alinas size, and anytime she laid in it she felt like she was being swallowed whole. Somehow, it was comforting.

Dimitri had his servants bring her all sorts of things to keep her mind busy while her feet healed and she was mostly bedridden. A tall stack of books that would take her months to get through, an assortment of different toys and puzzles, supplies and kits for knitting and sewing, and more food than she could ever dream to eat. It was suspicious, Alina thought. She felt like she was being fattened up like a pig before a big meal. So, she ate only as much as she needed to not be hungry and did not touch the mountain of toys and supplies that began to pile up by her bed.

The servants were kind, though, and did not seen concerned about Alina. If anything, they were a bit curious. Over the days she spent alone in her room, they became brave and began to speak to her and ask her questions. One servant in particular, an older woman by the name of Yelena, seemed to be the most involved with taking care of Alina, and was the first to ask Alina anything.

“Are you sick, child?” She asked one day as she brushed the knots out of Alina’s hair. “You barely touch your food, and I don’t think a single object has moved from that pile.” In the reflection of the mirror, Alina could see the wrinkled woman nod her head toward the pile of toys, thread, and books.

Yelena looked at Alina’s reflection in the mirror and then let out an exasperated sigh. “I told him not to suffocate you with all of these… things,” She said loudly as she gestured wildly around the room with the hairbrush. “A girl whose whole house was probably half the size of this room? Hah! No wonder you won’t say a word. He just thinks he can throw money at _any_ problem-” Alina’s eyes widened as she watched the mad, raving woman in the mirror.

“You have nothing to fear, child,” Yelena finally said as her demeaner calmed. She used the hairbrush to point at Alina’s reflection. “Except for a man’s complete lack of understanding of children.”

Yelena finished brushing Alina’s hair and had another tray brought in. It was midday, so the tray held tiny sandwiches, fresh bread, and jam.

“Starve yourself all you want.” Yelena said as she took two sandwiches and stuffed them into her tiny mouth. “That just means more for me.”

The woman couldn’t have been taller than 5 feet, but she was the scariest thing Alina had ever seen. As soon as Yelena left, Alina gobbled down the sandwiches and began looking through the pile, deciding to pick up a book about a wizard who kept a princess locked away in a tower. Her parents had taught Alina to read and write, but she had very little material with which to practice, so reading this short novel took much of her time. When Yelena returned later that evening to give Alina dinner, she had her nose so buried in the middle of the book that she didn’t even see the woman come and go. Didn’t see the satisfied smirk that curled Yelena’s lips.

As the hours and days passed, Alina began to feel more energized. Her feet had healed, and she was getting a bit stir crazy. When Yelena came one morning with her breakfast tray, Alina finally decided to speak up.

“Thank you.”

“She speaks.” Yelena’s eyebrows rose and she smiled, showing a row of yellowed and broken teeth. “Well, I know you have something you want to ask. Get out with it.”

This woman was terrifying, but Alina was determined. Still, she didn’t need to look the monster in the eye. She cast her eyes down and spoke with her grandest voice she could muster, which wasn’t very grand at all. “I want to go outside.”

“Hah! And I want a prince for a husband and a gaggle of geese.” She chuckled. The sound was sharp and gnawing. “Did no one teach you manners, child?”

Alina looked up at Yelena, who stood impatiently. “I would like to go outside, please.”

“Hmph.” Yelena took the tray from the day before and didn’t give Alina another look as she strode out of the room. “Lord Petrov will want to speak with you this afternoon. Then we will see about _going outside_.”

That afternoon, Yelena returned to escort Alina to Dimitri’s office, which happened to be on the other side of castle. The hallways of Dom Ogni were long and twisting corridors of grey and white stone. Barren and empty. Their footsteps echoed down the halls, and Alina struggled to keep up with Yelena’s brisk pace.

“How can a little thing like you be so out of shape? Despicable.” Yelena said in her usual, disgusted tone.

“I am not that little.” Alina scowled, panting and out of breath.

“I’m sorry, I cannot hear your squeaking from all the way up here, little mouse.”

Alina huffed angrily as they walked through the halls. Each moment with Yelena made Alina less afraid, but more irritated. Yelena knew how to get under her skin and rile up a response from her. But then again, Alina thought, maybe that was the point.

At last, they reached his office and Yelena opened the door to a large space that held couches, books, a fireplace, and a desk with a tall chair at the end.

“The lord has some other business he is finishing up, but he should be here in a moment.” Yelena motioned Alina inside and then closed the door as she left her alone.

Along one wall sat a row of bookcases that held old, dusty volumes and scrolls made of fraying paper. Alina picked them up and glanced through them. The thick volumes appeared to be overly detailed histories and recollections that were as esoteric as they were lengthy. She was running her fingers along the raised spine of a leather-bound book titled _Petrov’s_ _Past_ when she heard a light knock at the door, followed by the sound of the door opening and a person entering. Alina stayed facing the bookcase, running her fingers along the spines as _Lord_ Dimitri Petrov, it seemed, came to stand along the bookcase a few feet away from her. He grasped his hands behind his back and and pretended to peruse the various novels, but he rocked back and forth on his feet, and kept shooting concerned looks her way.

“Do you like to read?” He asked suddenly. “I’ve heard that you have been reading some of the novels left for you in your room.”

Alina considered his question for a moment. She did enjoy the books, but reading wasn’t anything particularly special. Most times she found it tedious and much preferred activities where she could work with her hands. She shrugged her shoulders in response.

“Ah. A girl after my own heart.” He chuckled shakily. He was as shiny as ever, clean-pressed and dashing, but he was clearly nervous. Maybe Yelena was right about him not being sure how to behave around children. He reached out in front of Alina and grabbed _Petrov’s_ _Past_. A thick cloud of dust formed as he opened it up and flipped through its pages.

“My parents made me read half the paper weights in here. They said it was important for me to ‘understand my heritage’ if I wanted to be a good leader …” He snapped the book closed and placed it back on the shelf with a sigh. “Not sure how much good it’s done me.”

Alina looked up at him and he gave her a solemn smile as he turned and walked to sit behind his desk. He signaled for Alina to sit in the chair in front of his desk, so she did. Dimitri leaned back in his chair and they stared at each other for several awkward moments.

“Guessing from where we found you, you are from _dolina_?” _The valley_. While her family had farmed that hill for generations, the village proper was relatively new. As with most places along the border, the settlement names reflected where they were. Real names were too permanent, too full of hope. Giving a name to a place had a way of ensuring its destruction here.

“Yes.”

“Do _you_ have a name?” Dimitri asked. He smiled before adding, “Or shall I continue calling you Neya?”

She considered him in his fancy suit, this man who could be a king. Maybe he was a king, for all Alina knew; at the very least he seemed to rule everything she had ever known or seen, and that was certainly enough to be some sort of king, right? She remembered what Yelena had told her, and even now as she studied him, she felt like she could trust him, just like she had on the road.

“Alina.”

His smile widened. “Alina…” He paused, waiting for her to give him the rest of her name. Like before, she trusted him, but not that much. And there was power in a name, power she wasn’t yet ready to hand over to him. After a few silent moments, he continued. “I am Dimitri, Dimitri Petrov.”

“I remember.” Alina replied quickly.

“So, you do.” He chuckled in surprise. “I am sure you are wondering why I brought you here, or why I would even care about some random…” He paused for a second, considering his next words carefully. “…child. I’m not sure if you are aware of such things but it was my duty to protect your village and I-” He paused again, a solemn, serious look passing over his face. “I failed. As it was my failure that put you in this situation, I feel responsible for your well-being. Do you have any relatives that I can contact or bring you to?”

“Not that I know of.”

He narrowed his eyes slightly in thought. “There isn’t much left of the village, but there are quite a few survivors. I could take you back-”

“No!” Alina practically shouted. All she could think about was the way the villagers whispered about her and her family, and now knowing what she was she couldn’t imagine living with those whispers the rest of her life. More than that, she couldn’t imagine living in the place where her parents had been without them. Everything would be a painful reminder; it would be too much. Alina wanted nothing more than to return home, but that wasn’t her home anymore. Everything that had made it home was gone.

Dimitri did not even finch at Alina’s sudden outburst. He merely studied her with a look of concern. “Then you are welcome to stay here until we can find you a more permanent home.”

Alina’s eyes widened in surprise; she didn’t know what to say. “Th-thank you, your highness.”

Dimitri fell back into his easy, nonchalant air and laughed. “I am not any more or less worthy of that title than you are. Call me Dimitri, please.” He smiled at her awkwardly for a moment, his mind clearly deep in thought, before he waved her off and started looking through papers on his desk. “Uh, you may leave now. You are dismissed.”

Yelena must have had some sixth sense because she walked in immediately to escort Alina out.

“Wait!” Alina exclaimed as she shot out of her chair.

“Yes?” Dimitri asked.

“I- I would like to go outside.” Alina glanced at Yelena as she glared at her and remembered the old woman’s rebuff about her manners. “Please, Mr. Petrov.”

Dimitri sat back in his chair again, deep in thought. Alina would come to learn that this was normal of him. He sat back and reflected in quiet contemplation often, especially around her. It would be a while before she truly understood why. “I know this place _looks_ like a prison,” Dimitri said as he stared at some random point on his desk. “But I don’t want you to ever feel like it is. You may come and go as you please.” He looked at Yelena and nodded. “Wherever you please.”

Alina did her best imitation of a bow. “Thank you!” He waved her off again and Yelena proceeded to begrudgingly lead Alina out into the courtyard, though Alina did not think she imagined the hint of a smile on the old woman’s lips.

* * *

Dimitri had given her free run of the house and grounds, though it took her a while to truly feel comfortable exploring the labyrinthine rooms and passageways. Like a mouse she was cautious, patient. Each day she went a little further, testing the boundaries of what she knew and recognized. She explored empty bedrooms that were as extravagant as hers, and vast halls that held nothing but statues and tall portraits. Barely anyone ever came to visit, and most times the palace was empty and hollow. Alina thought it was all such a waste of space.

Dimitri kept to his corner of the castle that held his office and rooms, and Alina kept to hers. The only times they seemed to interact at all was during dinner when they ate at the large dining room table that was fit to serve dozens of people, but only ever served them. Even then, they talked very little besides the normal exchanging of pleasantries.

In those early months, he would often mention that he thought he had found a home for her, or somewhere where she could be happy. Then he would add that in the meantime she should start tutoring lessons so she would not be behind the other children. Or that they should expand her wardrobe since had only come with the clothes on her back and Alina was not particularly fond of the clothes Dom Ogni had on hand. Then he suggested that they should make some permanent changes to her room so that it was more accommodating to a young girl like her. After that, he stopped mentioning finding a new home.

They fell into an easy rhythm this way. Alina took to her studies and even worked on her manners for Yelena’s sake, and Dimitri spent most of this time traveling his lands or locked away in his wing with his advisors and generals. Alina learned that Dimitri had never taken a wife or had a family, though there had been and continued to be plenty of willing brides. Yelena said such a thing was not in the cards for him - instead, he was cursed to care for an insolent girl. Alina reminded Yelena that he did not need to take her in, and Yelena merely scoffed and mumbled something unintelligible in reply.

There were not many friends to be made in the empty halls of Dom Ogni, but Alina made one. Once she became accustomed to castle life, she liked going to the kitchen to help bake bread and knead dough since it reminded her of home, of her mother and father. While there, she met a young boy her age named Pavel who was the son of one of the cooks and was almost always there. He was shy and mild like her, though compared to him she was practically an extrovert. He rarely spoke to her, but he stared at her a lot with wide eyes as she rambled on about this or that.

Alina had tried talking to the other children, but they all shunned her. The wealthy children that she saw from time to time all shunned her as a peasant girl, while the peasant children all shunned her as a prissy princess. Pavel was the only one who seemed to tolerate her, so Pavel it was.

Out of all of her studies, Alina enjoyed art the most. She lacked raw talent, but she was good enough and she practiced often. She started going through a sketchbook a week, and so many torn out sketches and drawings littered her room that they started spilling out into the hallway. One night, Dimitri had come across one such sketch and brought it out during dinner.

“Is this yours?” He asked haughtily.

Alina looked up from her soup and her face reddened. She had never gotten in trouble with him, because she never did anything that could get her in trouble, but Yelena had been complaining about her messy room and Alina was scared of his wrath, nonetheless.

“Yes.” She replied quietly.

He looked at the sketch for a moment and then folded it, putting it into his pocket as he stood up. “I would like to show you something.”

_Oh saints_ , Alina thought. She followed him as he sauntered through the halls, anxiety building in her as she imagined all the awful punishments he certainly had in store for her. At last, he stopped in front of a door that had always been locked. She had tried the handle a few times and even stuck a pin in like she was some mastermind thief. She was not, though. Nothing ever came of it and she eventually stopped trying to see what was inside. Now, she imagined it was some grand torture room with medieval devices that had an irrational number of spikes on them.

Dimitri took out a cast iron key and unlocked the door, revealing a pitch-black room with no windows. He walked inside and bent over a table by the door as he lit a candle and waved Alina forward. She stepped inside slowly, carefully, like they were the last steps she would ever take and then she froze. Instead of spikes and knives the room was filled with art – paintings, sketches, portraits. The walls were entirely covered, and canvases sat in piles on the floor or were leaned against the wall. In the middle of the room stood a table with a whole mess of painting and drawing supplies, and to the left of it sat a half-finished painting of the hills surrounding Dva Stolba on an easel.

Alina had never seen so much art in her life and it was good - _really_ good. The paintings and portraits that dotted Dom Ogni were beautiful, but they lacked emotion. It was like someone had painted what they thought a painting should look like instead of what blossomed in their heart and mind. The art in here was something else entirely.

She looked at him, asking with her eyes for permission to explore the room. He chuckled and nodded. Alina ran up to the paintings, running her fingers over the raised brush strokes and charcoal smudges. She was enraptured. In the corner of a portrait of a stout peasant man outside a shabby home she saw the artists signature – _D. Petrov._ She checked several more pieces and they were all signed _D. Petrov…_ _D. Petrov…_ _D. Petrov…_ and then it clicked in her mind.

“You painted all of these.” She said suddenly, looking at him like she was seeing him for the first time.

He smiled. “Yes. I was… quite the idealistic artist in my younger years.”

She did not miss the implication of his words and frowned slightly. “You do not paint anymore?”

“I find I do not really have the time and even if…” He paused, reflecting like he so often did. “It no longer holds the same joy for me that it once did.”

“You’re very good.” She said mournfully as she flipped through a sketchbook filled with sketches of hands.

He smiled shyly. “This is the culmination of years and hours of practice... you are quite good as well.” Alina reddened in embarrassment. She never thought her quick sketches would be seen by someone with real skill. He walked over to her and handed her the cast iron key. “This room is yours now. You are welcome to use whatever supplies there are in here. Just let Yelena know when you need more.”

“Of course.” Alina said with a bowed head. “Thank you.”

* * *

After Dimitri gave her the art room, Alina began devoting almost all her free time to her paintings and drawings. She didn’t have the ability to evoke emotion with her art like Dimitri could, but her art was decent in that it was accurate – pleasing to the eye. It took her a lot of time and practice, though. She loved drawing landscapes the best, so no one questioned her when she took large easels and canvases with a bag of supplies out into the wilderness. Indeed, she spent many of her days outside of town, among the dusty hills and sparse forests. She felt freer outside – at home under the sun. 

And while she did use this time to work on her landscapes, she spent of her time working on... other things. For being in the forest, away from civilization, in the middle of the day also gave her the privacy to practice with her abilities. She had not forgotten how she had summoned the ball of light that fateful night, or how it had reinvigorated her.

At first, she did not know what she was doing. She would peek cautiously around the woods, hoping no one was there, and then she would stand with her palms facing upward, wishing in her mind for her power to return. It did not. She repeated this for months until, in her inconspicuous attempts to read more about the Grisha, she had read in a book by some philosopher that it was believed that Grisha power was a part of them, a piece of their soul. The next time that she went out to “paint”, instead of trying to wish for the saints to grant her this gift, she searched inside herself, looking for the piece of her that had her power hidden away. At long last, she summoned the first spark of light that she had seen in a long time.

She repeated this ritual for years, as she grew taller than Yelena, as her form filled out and she was no longer a child. Now, she was a young woman of 19 years who for all her effort could only summon a small orb for a minute or two, at best. She was a joke of a Grisha. She thought back to her father’s stories and the way he had summoned lightening like a God, and all she could do was light up like a firefly for a few seconds. The only benefit was that no one else knew of Alina's struggles but her. If Yelena knew, Alina imagined she would be constantly chastising her for her poor skill.

_What are you going to do with that, hm?_ The old woman would certainly cackle as she watched Alina summon her little ball of light. _Blind people to death? Give them a sun burn?_

Alina sighed as she sat back against a tree, closing her eyes and turning her face to the sun. It was warm on her skin. This was her element, the sun her friend and protector, yet it continued to shun her. She had tried everything but had only ever seen small improvements. What she needed was help, guidance. Someone who knew what they were doing, but she could not risk revealing her secret. In all the years at Dom Ogni she had never knowingly met another Grisha. They were rare, as far as she knew, and the people here spoke of them like they were a curse, a taint on the soul of Ravka that needed to be removed.

Alina did not know how Dimitri felt about Grisha. She was too scared to ask him, fearful of how that knowledge would impact her view of him. As she grew up in Dom Ogni, her and Dimitri had grown closer. He had grown into his parental role, and she had grown into her role as his dutiful ward. She filled a piece that was missing for him as he did for her and they shared a love of art. That was enough for her.

“You know, it really isn’t safe to be out here all alone.” A voice, cold and cutting like glass, said out of nowhere.

Alinas eyes flew open as she rushed up from the tree, looking around for where the voice had come from. There, under the shade, she saw a boy her age leaning against a tree. He was beautiful. The most beautiful person Alina had ever seen.

He had midnight black hair that glinted in the sunlight, and the long strands curled around his ears and draped over his brow. His face was all sharp, perfect lines framed by a strong jaw, and his eyes glimmered a quartz grey. She did not know eyes could even be that color. He wore a long, perfectly tailored black jacket that went to his thighs over a black cotton shirt, complemented by his black pants and black, shiny shoes. She almost laughed – he certainly had an aesthetic. And he was smiling at her with an expression like one she imagined a starving man would have before a big meal.

Alina realized then that she had been staring at him for several long seconds and had yet to say anything. Her cheeks reddened as she changed her expression into a confidant one.

“Who are you? What are you doing out here? This is private property!” It was not private property, of course, but she had found that if you said something loudly and confidently enough most people would assume you were telling the truth.

The smile on his mouth grew. “That was quite the display.”

Her face paled. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Earlier, with the sunlight. You did well. Though,” he said with a laugh that skittered along her skin. “There is plenty of room for improvement.”

Alina, momentarily affronted, was about to protest again whatever he _thought_ he had seen when he suddenly pushed off from the tree, spread his arms wide, and brought them together. A clap like thunder shook the forest as darkness overtook her. Alina panicked as she stretched her arms out and stumbled around unsteadily, trying to see… anything. But there was nothing. It was like the world had entered a perpetual darkness.

“ _Find me._ ” His voice, cool as the breeze, whispered on her cheek.

She spun around, searching for him in the dark, her heart racing and breath coming out in quick bursts.

Long fingers lightly grazed her back and she shivered in fear and… and anticipation.

“ _Touch me._ ” The words danced along her prickled skin.

Alina spun around again as she grasped at the air and shuffled in the leaves. Her heart was pounding in her chest. What was happening? How had he engulfed the world in darkness? Was he Grisha? _He must be_ , she thought. This was a challenge for her, she realized. A lesson in the dark. She stopped shambling in the dirt and stood in a strong stance. She willed her heart to slow as she turned her palms upward like she had done for years. The light answered her call, but it was weak. A spark.

His laugh resonated around her. “You can do better than that…” She felt his fingers gently draw her hair back over her shoulder, baring her neck. “ _Alina_.”

She gasped again and the light went out. Her heart was somehow beating faster than it had been moments before. She was frightened… and irritated. What did he know about her? Or about summoning the sun? _Based on the way he turned the world into a black abyss,_ _probably more than you_ , she thought. She started again, focusing her turbulent emotions in order to call her power forth. A small ball of light started to form in her hands. It was more than a spark this time, but still only as big as a grape.

Suddenly, she felt a firm body come up behind her and a warm hand slide over her bare shoulder to rest on her throat. As his skin touched hers, she felt a rush of surety surge through her. _Home_ , her body sang. She instantly relaxed in his grip, leaning back into the lean, hard muscle of him, resting her head in the space between his neck and shoulder. His touch ignited her, causing the ball of light to grow at least three times its size. Light and warmth radiated from her hands, enveloping them.

“What _are_ you?” She whispered.

He turned his face towards hers, so close that she could feel his breath tickle her cheek.

“What are _you_?”

Too quickly he dropped his hand and backed away from her, causing the ball of light to dim in her hands. The loss of him jolted her upright, like she had just awoken from a trance. Suddenly, the darkness dissipated, and she was thrust back into the sunlight. Alina covered her eyes with her arm as her eyes readjusted to the midday brightness. When she dropped her arm, the boy was gone.

* * *

The tavern girl he had slept with the night prior was sitting on his lap now, tousling his hair and slobbering all over his neck like a dog.

Every new person was merely an experiment to him, a case study in social interaction. With this _otkazat’sya_ girl – Ana, her name was – he had glanced at her once and then ignored her the rest of the night as he sat and drank alone at a table in the corner of the tavern. He guessed it would only take one hour for her to approach him - instead, it took only thirty minutes. They slept together that night, but the sex was always secondary to the knowledge he gained in the experience. Now, she had already grown too attached. She was infatuated with him. They always were.

How could she not tell that he was not even remotely interested right now? That his mind was elsewhere? The idiocy disgusted him. But what disgusted him more was that he could not stop thinking about _her_.

_It had been too easy_ , he thought.

It took only a little light flirting with one of the castle maids to learn that Prissy Petrov, as they liked to call her, went out into the woods during the day to paint her landscapes. He had expected some sort of escort or guard to be with her, but there was nothing. It was true that she never went far from the castle, and that armies and scouts littered the area beyond the woods, but it was a severe oversight, by his estimates. A profound one, considering that Lord Dimitri Petrov was a well-regarded tactical mind. Aleksander had thought this would be a real challenge for him at last, but she was clearly a weakness for the lord. He had always planned to use her, but now she would be just that much easier to exploit. He sighed.

Aleksander had been following Alina into the forest for a few days before he finally revealed himself to her. It was easy for him to stay hidden beneath the shade of the trees, using what little shadows there were to help obscure his figure. She always went out at the brightest time of the day, so it was not perfect, but she was not exactly checking that thoroughly for unwanted followers.

He had been entirely surprised and, strangely enough, delighted when he saw her stop painting after thirty minutes or so and summon a little ball of light. He did not know what he expected of the heir apparent to the Petrov land and fortunes - maybe a spoiled _otkazat’sya_ girl, drowning in jewels and frilly dresses. The maids always had snide remarks ready about her being cold and aloof. _She thinks she is better than us, but she is as royal as the mud on my shoe._

Instead, she wore breezy cotton pants and a loose top. Shoes that had been worn down and were full of tiny holes. She had brown hair that fell down her back and billowed in the breeze. Her hair was often frizzy in the dry heat of summer, but he had felt with certainty that it would feel like silk in his fingers.

For three days he followed her into the forest and watched as she painted and then practiced. She was clearly struggling, and he could tell she had no idea what she was doing. It was amusing, though, to watch her. She would scrunch up her face in focus, wrinkling her tiny nose with the effort, and all that would come of it most times was a little flash of light. Afterwards, she would always pout in frustration and he could not help but smile. She was entirely unexpected, this hidden Grisha, peasant-born princess, and his for the taking.

He had planned to watch her for at least a week, so that he could learn all of her little mannerisms and expressions. Yet on the third day, when she sat back against the tree, closed her eyes, and turned her face towards the sun, it was like he had been stabbed in the chest.

He no longer wanted to just study her features, he wanted to _know_ them. He no longer wanted to just wonder what her skin felt like, he wanted to feel its soft warmth under his fingers. He wanted to be close enough to count the number of wrinkles her nose made when she was frustrated. He realized in that moment that she was the sun, and he was a planet caught in orbit.

He did not have a plan when he spoke. _Foolish idiot_ , he thought, _you could have fucked everything up_. Luckily, though, it worked out in his favor. He had felt that she was frightened, but also that she was eager, like she had been waiting for this her entire life. He could have stayed in that moment in his mind forever – remembering the way her breath caught when he touched her, the feel of her pulse beneath his thumb, the light of the sun as it enveloped them-

Ana’s hand gripped the hard length straining his pants, unnecessarily encouraging her as she smashed her mouth against his and forced her tongue down his throat. He was about to kill her just for that disgusting display when the sound of another woman’s voice made Ana freeze and turn around.

“That’s enough fun for now.” His mother drawled from the seat she had taken across the table.

His mother did not look much older than him, now, and Ana narrowed her eyes at the woman, assuming she was competition. He almost laughed.

“She is just an old friend I need to chat with. She doesn’t hold a flame to you, my love.” He whispered in her ear. Ana smiled happily and begrudgingly removed herself from his lap. He felt like rejoicing. Ana glared suspiciously at his mother before sauntering away.

Baghra, clearly amused, smiled at him. “Saving her for later?”

“You did teach me never to burn bridges unnecessarily.” He replied coolly.

“Smart boy.” She chuckled quietly. “So, what did you discover on your little stakeout mission?”

He was a young man now, but she still treated him like a boy. She was always trying to get a rise out of him, but he would not take the bait so easily, no matter how much it irked him.

He had certainly discovered a lot, though. A princess who was secretly Grisha, and not just any Grisha but a sun summoner, a type of Grisha he had heard of once but never seen. A girl he was increasingly obsessed with. _Dangerous_ , his mind chastised him. _I know what I’m doing_ , he thought, _nothing I can’t handle_. He would learn all there was to know about her and then that would be that. He would tire of her like he did everyone else. Still, he would not share that particular aspect of his discovery with his mother.

He smiled widely at her and said, “A way in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna try to update every week or every other week-ish, assuming my writing speed stays about the same. Also, I am editing this on my own, so sorry for any typos or errors!
> 
> Next time: Alina is presented to society and Aleksander has ~plans~


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week since Alina met the boy who could summon shadows outside Dom Ogni. In that time, she had gone through almost all the stages of burgeoning hatred.

Immediately after her encounter she was flustered. She had never met another Grisha, and this one was… something. He was beautiful, but he was beautiful in the way that a wild predator was – magnificent, but best if viewed from a safe distance. She had not kept a safe distance, not in the slightest. He had touched her neck, and she had let him. _She wanted him to touch her again._

It was like nothing Alina had ever experienced, though to be fair she had never really even been touched by a boy before. There had been a few times in the kitchens where Pavel’s hand had brushed against hers while they worked. Once, he had even placed his hand on hers purposefully, but he quickly remembered himself and removed it. Those times had been nice, sweet – but what she felt when _he_ touched her was something else entirely. It was a song in her blood, a whispering in her soul, and an awakening of her body and power.

As Alina laid in her bed that night, these wild thoughts of hers made her angry. This wasn’t just _any_ boy. He had known her name. He had probably been following her. She could’ve been killed in the dark and no one would’ve been the wiser. To _think_ that she hadn’t even pushed back or resisted! He had shown her his darkness and she had been more than willing to show him her light. Now, because of her foolishness, there was someone out there who knew her secret, and she didn’t even get his name. _What a disaster_.

When she had awoken the next morning, she was resolved to see him again. She remembered that he likely had a secret as well. Grisha were not welcome in the dregs of society, and she would have heard if there was one openly around town. He knew who she was. He had come to her for a reason and would likely come to her again. She would learn whatever it is he wanted from her and this time, she would be ready.

* * *

Dimitri had never offered to have someone train Alina on how to defend herself. He had never deemed it necessary. Their home was surrounded by a giant wall, and his army and guards were always close on hand.

“This is the safest place in all of Ravka.” He had boasted to her once.

Years later, he had offered to have a guard escort her on her excursions into the forest outside Dom Ogni, but she had insisted that she be allowed to go alone.

“This is the safest place in all of Ravka, is it not?” She countered. He had easily relented.

Now, she stole one of the daggers that hung on the walls of the castle library and hid it in her paint supply bag even though she had no idea how to use it. She wasn’t even sure if the thing was sharp. Bringing a knife to a potential clash between light and dark was foolish, she knew that, but it fed her courage.

Alina went out in the middle of the day as she always had, to the same spot that she always painted in, and sat like she usually did in the grass as she painted on her canvas. She got very little real painting done, though. She kept going over the same tree with the same shade of green as she focused all of her senses instead on trying to listen for _him_. She listened to the leaves rustling, hoping to hear the telltale crunch of a boot. She focused on the way the wind blew across her skin, hoping a shift in the breeze would serve as an omen of his arrival. Anything that could give away his presence.

She feared their inevitable confrontation as much as she looked forward to it. She did not know _what_ she would say to him, except that she had _a lot_ to say. _How dare you presume to know me or my power! What do you want with me?_ _That was a fun trick with the shadows. Why did you touch me? What was it that I felt? Why do I want you to touch me again? Why do I see your eyes every time I close mine?_

She sat this way, painting and tense for almost an hour, until she grew antsy. She stood up and paced around the clearing, peeking around trees, and investigating shrubbery. She even mimicked how she had met him the first time; she sat back along the same tree and closed her eyes towards the sun in the hopes he would suddenly appear. She huffed an aggravated sigh as she squinted an eye open a few moments later and did not see a boy with dark hair there to greet her.

Alina went on like this the entire day… then the next day, and the next and the next. She grew increasingly angry. _Who does he think he is? He seeks_ me _out. He follows_ me _into the woods. He shows_ me _his power and then just disappears without a word or a name! It makes no sense!_

She stopped going out into the forest to paint and decided never to think of him again. But she did. She thought of him often. His stupid grey eyes and annoying dark hair. It infuriated her. This boy who came waltzing into her life for a few moments, showed her power like she had never seen, and then promptly left. There was no point to it except to torment her. 

Towards the end of the longest week of Alina’s life, an unlikely guest joined them for dinner. A herald for what was to come.

“Alina, you have met Colonel Oretsev-” Dimitri said as he presented her to one of his most trusted advisors.

Col. Oretsev had achieved a high rank in the Dva Stolban army even though he was only a few years older than her. Everyone said it was because of his incredible tracking ability, but she supposed it was because he was charming. He had a warm smile that made people feel comfortable and safe.

She curtsied lightly in the simple forest-green dress she wore to dinner. “Colonel.”

He bowed slightly, “My lady.”

Dimitri sat at the head of the table with Alina to his right and Col. Oretsev to his left. The meal started quietly and normally, but she recognized how peculiar this was. There had only been a handful of times that anyone had ever eaten with them – a diplomat here, an estranged cousin there – but never a member of his army. And certainly, never anyone who kept glancing at her with a knowing smile when Dimitri wasn’t paying attention. Something wasn’t right. Her anxiety grew until at last Dimitri spoke.

“We will have guests arriving tomorrow.”

Alina glanced at the Colonel who was watching her intently. “Generals of your army?”

Dimitri nodded. “Mine…. and others.”

“Others?”

“Generals and royals alike. There is to be a summit with all the Ravkan nation-states. Against my wishes, it has been decided by the other rulers that it will be here.” Dimitri released a heavy sigh as he leaned back in his chair and stared at his plate.

Col. Oretsev piped in, “They consider you a great leader, sir. The choice of Dva Stolba just goes to show that they fear your power and want to measure its might themselves.”

Dimitri waved off his remark with a dismissive hand.

Alina considered the arrival of dozens of people in a days’ time. “Dom Ogni hasn’t had that many guests since I’ve been here. Preparations will have to be made-”

“They’ve already been made.” Dimitri interjected.

“Oh.” Alina reviewed her memories of the past week and could only vaguely remember seeing carts unloading supplies out front. She had spent so much time outside and in her own head that she hadn’t even noticed anything was happening.

“As my ward, you will be expected to attend the tangential social events.” Dimitri finally looked at Alina and spoke with a very serious tone. “There are those that will seek to collect you. Because of whom you are and what you are to me. So, I have asked Col. Oretsev to accompany you.”

“Accompany me?” _He couldn’t possibly mean-_

“Yes. He will be escorting you to all the events.”

Alina couldn’t hide her shocked expression. “But then they’ll think-”

“I know _exactly_ what they will think.”

She stared at Dimitri as the realization hit her. If Col. Oretsev escorted her to all the events, it would seem as those she was already engaged or that an engagement was soon to be announced. Any potential suitors or collectors, as Dimitri thought of them, would be dissuaded from pursuing her. It wasn’t that simple, though. A display as prolonged and public as this one would lead to scandal if it did _not_ result in a real engagement. Alina glanced at the Colonel and she could tell he was thinking the same thing, though he was clearly much more pleased by this than she was.

“I won’t do it.” She declared defiantly.

“You will.”

They stared at each other intently, having a conversation with their eyes alone. It was clear to her that he would not back down, and that he would make her do this if necessary. And that surprised her. Dimitri had always done whatever he could to make her more comfortable, and he had essentially let her do whatever she wanted her whole life here. He had never forced anything on her, but this was different. His expression was steadfast – the face of a commander, a king – yet his eyes were soft, worried. He did not want this any more than she did, but he felt that it must be done.

Alina sighed and relented, agreeing to play along, though she dreaded how it would likely end.

* * *

Alina hid in her room the next morning as she watched brightly colored regiments set-up camp just beyond the walls and exquisitely dressed royals walk daintily from their fine carriages and into the castle. Alina’s room was on one of the upper floors at the far end so it was far from the majority of the guest rooms. Still, there were a few on her floor and she could hear the background noise of chatter and the padding of feet in the hallway as servants hauled in luggage.

The first event was to be a welcoming reception that night, followed by a grand dinner. Dimitri had told her that the purpose of this summit was to discuss trade between their territories, but she suspected there was more to it than that. One simply did not bring the generals and rulers of all the territories together like this just to discuss trade – there were diplomats and representatives for that. There was something more going on here, but she did not care enough to think on what it could be.

No, Alina’s thoughts were entirely focused on the problem of Col. Oretsev. His glances and smiles at dinner were clear indications that he was pleased with being her escort. She supposed he was handsome, with light brown hair and round, big eyes, but she knew of his reputation.

He was an infamous flirt and had been under the skirts of half the young women in town. They fawned over him, even though he would use them once before moving on to the next new beautiful thing. _Funny,_ she thought, that Dimitri would try to keep her from being collected by putting her in the hands of someone who was likely to see her as nothing more than a single use item or a steppingstone for reaching an even higher rank in society. _I will never let it get that far_ , she told herself.

For dinner that night she had decided on a deep blue gown that fit tightly around her upper body and fanned out from her waist to the floor, as was the current style. At least that is what Yelena told her. Alina did not keep up with these things and if it was up to her she would just wear pants and a loose shirt.

“Do not look so glum child, it’s rude.” Yelena said as she yanked at Alina’s hair, braiding it atop her head.

They made eye contact in the reflection of the mirror. “You know what he is making me do.”

Yelena rolled her eyes and scoffed. “How very sad of you to be asked to hang off the arm of a handsome solider for a few weeks.”

Alina reddened with anger. “It is more than that and you know it!”

Yelena yanked harder at her hair as she knotted it into a braid. “Hah! Think, girl! That foolish man will never make you do anything you do not wish. You do not know even a quarter of what he does or deals with. Appreciate that he has chosen the best option for you right now and that it will work out in your favor, in the end. Ungrateful girl.”

Alina stewed in silence as Yelena finished the braid and Alina considered the old woman’s words.

* * *

The royals were escorted in and announced one by one or in pairs as they arrived. As a royal by proxy, though Alina did not see herself as such, she was paired with Col. Oretsev and was one of the last to be announced. He met her at the top of the stairs that descended into the lobby where everyone was gathered.

She presented her hand as was customary in these situations and he took it, bowing and planting a light kiss on her knuckles. “My lady.”

“Colonel.” She replied curtly as he stood back straight.

He smiled at her. “I suppose now you should call me Vitya.”

She gave him a forced smile and nodded. “And you should know me as Alina.”

He offered her his arm, and she took it as they walked to the door that opened to the top of the stairs, pausing for a moment as they waited for the announcer to signal them in.

“I know this is not an ideal circumstance to get to know someone,” Vitya whispered beside her “But I will do my best to be worthy of your attention.”

Alina couldn’t help but smile a little at that. She supposed if she had escorted by someone, Vitya wasn’t the _worst_ option.

Suddenly, the doors opened, and a loud voice announced their arrival.

“Lady Alina Petrov and Colonel Viktor Oretsev.”

They walked out together, and the dozens of people gathered at the bottom all watched as they descended the stairs. She smiled fondly at them, as she had been taught. She glanced around the room. Some of them smiled back, but most of them whispered to each other as they watched her with questioning looks. _Nothing I’m not used to_.

Alina and Vitya were halfway down the stairs when she saw a shock of thick black hair amongst the crowd, and a pair of glimmering grey eyes staring back at her. She immediately looked away - elsewhere, anywhere, as she inhaled a sharp breath. She used all of her willpower to ignore him, to not look where he was, but she could feel his eyes on her now, like a caress on her skin.

As soon as they reached the main floor, they were swarmed by people wanting to introduce themselves and thank her for the accommodations and not so subtle-y pry about Dva Stolba and Dimitri. Alina was surprised to find that she didn’t mind having Vitya close by, since he did remarkably well with dodging such inquiries and smoothly inserted himself into the conversation when she was struggling. Which was often. She tried to remain focused on the people and conversations at hand, but her eyes constantly drifted around the room, looking for the tell-tale black hair or grey eyes in the crowd. She was even more anxious now that she could _not_ see him. He could be spilling her secrets right now to someone in this room and she wouldn’t know it.

“Are you alright?” Vitya asked. She must not have been doing a good job with hiding her anxiety.

She wanted to say ‘No, I am not alright. This handsome stranger I met in the woods a week ago is at this dinner and he knows I’m a Grisha.’ But she did not say that. Instead, she said “Yes, I- I just get a little nervous being around so many people.”

He smiled warmly at her. “I know the feeling.”

At last, Dimitri arrived and they were all seated at dinner. Like the night before, Dimitri sat at the head of the table, with Alina to his right and Vitya to his left, though this time Alina and Vitya were a few seats down. The seats closest to Dimitri were reserved for the other rulers. One was a blonde man who ruled the territory around Os Alta, she was pretty sure he was a Lantsov. Another blonde man next to him ruled the mountainous territory that bordered Fjerda, but she did not remember who he was beyond that. She lamented that she had never had any interest in learning about the current political structure of the world. She never thought it would matter to her or be useful. _How wrong I was_.

There was assigned seating for everyone, and Alina was placed between the Lantsov ruler – Anatoli Lantsov, his place card read – and some person named Andrei Ivanov. Within a few minutes the dozens of people attending were seated along the long dining table, except for the spot next to her, which remained empty. She thanked the Saints that maybe this Andrei was missing, and she would be spared from having to go through yet _another_ introduction-

“My apologies.” A cool voice drawled as it took the seat next to her.

Alina froze.

“Some servant knocked a glass of _kvas_ on my coat.” He said frustratedly. The royals and dignitaries within earshot looked aghast. “Luckily, I look just as good without it.” They all laughed heartily in response, especially the women. Alina reddened. 

“You must be the lady of the house.” The beautiful boy with grey eyes said as he turned in his seat to look at her.

She scanned his face and didn’t see even a hint of recognition or acknowledgement on his end. For her part, she was running through a range of emotions that she was trying very hard to hide. Relief, that this boy that she thought was a dream was indeed real. Confusion, that he was apparently a well-received member of society. And, most of all, anger and frustration that he waited until _now_ to show himself to her again and was behaving as though they had never met. 

“Yes.” She affirmed. 

“I am Andrei Ivanov.”

She made a large show of looking at the place card on the table before looking back at him. “I see.”

A glimmer of something flashed in his eyes, and the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

Some young blonde woman, apparently affronted by Alina’s snub, piped in. “He is a famed military strategist and advisor. He has helped numerous-”

“Almost everyone here is some sort of advisor, Anna.” Vitya interjected. Vitya and Anna argued about something or another while the rest of the table grew bored and returned to their private conversations. Alina and Andrei, meanwhile, remained focused on each other.

“I’m sorry to have offended you.” Andrei murmured to her.

Alina stifled a disbelieving laugh. “Is that what you call it?”

She saw it again, the flicker in his eyes, but his face remained impassive. He looked behind her to where Dimitri was sitting and then back to her as if to say _Careful, Alina_.

“I hope this unfortunate event will not impact your view of me long-term. I imagine we will be seeing a lot of each other in the next few weeks.”

“If only you would be so lucky.” She snarled.

Andrei gave her a small smile before turning away and talking to the people on the other side of him. Alina faced back toward the table. She saw then that Dimitri had been watching their interaction and was now regarding her with his usual contemplative expression. His warning came back to her. _They will try to collect you._

The rest of the dinner went as she expected it to. It was loud with the cacophonous sounds of dozens of people talking. Alina listened in to Vitya’s conversations, smiling and nodding when appropriate. He liked doing all the talking and she preferred it that way. She focused her attention instead on blocking out the boy next to her. It should’ve been easy, since he seemed to prefer sitting back and observing the others, but the women near him were merciless and shouted at him constantly.

The worst was Anna, who was always trying to get him to speak or show her some attention. Andrei would only ever say two or three words in reply, but she would act like it was some profound revelation. It made Alina want to gag.

When dinner was over, the women and lesser guests retired to their rooms while the men and key advisors met briefly to discuss plans for the summit. Vitya offered to walk Alina back to her room but she declined.

Once back in the safety and comfort of her room, she changed into her night gown and laid in her bed. She tried to sleep, but her mind was too busy with thoughts of a boy’s flickering eyes and rueful smile. She imagined all the possible reasons for him being there and none of them were good. He probably had a plan to out her or would use her secret to blackmail her. _I’m on to you_ , she thought. She had a secret of his, too. She would be ready.

Alina had been staring into the dark for some time when she heard a knock on a door and the sounds of a hushed conversation and shuffling feet in the hallway. She climbed out of bed and moved quietly to her door, pressing her ear to its cold wooden surface.

“Even a man like you needs to rest every once and a while.” A young woman’s voice crooned.

“And I will.” A man replied curtly. Alina recognized the voice instantly. She was starting to think that she would recognize that voice anywhere. Even when muffled. _Especially in the dark_.

The young woman whined. “The kind of rest only _I_ can provide.”

Alina heard whispers that were too soft for her ears and then the shuffling of feet down the hallway. When it was once again quiet, Alina opened her door just a little and peeked down the hallway. The door to the guest room closest to hers was ajar, and candlelight flickered from inside.

Alina groaned _. Does he really have the room next to mine?_ First the dinner, now this. It was some sort of pattern and it made her uneasy. She hoped it was all just coincidence.

Andrei and the young woman were likely off doing… other things, so now was as good a time as any to do some snooping. If Alina was going to beat him as whatever game he was playing she would first need to find out what it was.

She slipped out of her room and tip toed down the hallway. As she reached his door she peered inside and, once certain it was empty, walked in and closed the door behind her.

The room itself was fine and was as extravagant as all the other guest rooms in the castle. It was probably as large as her room had been originally, before the upgrades and additions. The bed was still neatly made though a dinner jacket laid haphazardly on it, and a large chest of luggage sat at the foot of the bed. Alina walked to it and found that it was surprisingly unlocked.

Laid at the top of the chest were piles of neatly folded black clothing. _He is_ really _committed to this look_ , she chuckled quietly to herself. She ran her hand across the soft furs and silks, shirts and dress pants galore. It was so neatly packed and untouched that he would likely notice if anything had been moved, so she moved on to the desk. On the desk was a small pile of papers and a stack of books. Alina was going through what appeared to be some sort of military correspondence when she heard the sound of booted footsteps walking briskly in the hall.

 _Already? It hasn’t been more than a few minutes!_ She panicked, knowing that she didn’t have time to make it out of the room. She dropped the papers and ran to the edge of the room to hide behind the floor length curtains. Just as she made it behind them and brought them together so that there was just a tiny gap left for her to see out of, the door opened.

Andrei walked in and appeared a little disheveled. His shirt was half untucked and the top few buttons were undone. He stopped just beyond the threshold and deflated as he ran a hand down his face and through his hair. He kicked off his boots and shuffled to the bed, where he promptly plopped down and laid on his back, resting the back of his head on his arm. She couldn’t tell if his eyes were open, but his head was faced in the direction of the ceiling as he took long, steady breathes.

It was weird for Alina to see him like this. The two times Alina had met him before he was always watchful, smirking like the charismatic strategist he was. But in here, like this, he looked tired, vulnerable. He was, after all, a boy – not much older than she was by her estimates.

“If you want to come to my room in the middle of the night you need only ask.” Andrei muttered.

Alina froze. _Shit_.

He released a heavy sigh. “I know you are behind the curtains, Alina.”

 _Well, this plan was fucked._ She parted the curtains all the way but did not move. He turned his face to look at her and she saw the familiar flicker of his eyes as he took her in.

Alina remembered then that she was wearing only a short night gown. She wore it because it was comfortable, but it also happened to be a bit revealing. Her cheeks reddened and her skin flushed. She had the thought to cover herself with the curtains again, but she didn’t want to cede control of the situation to him by appearing afraid or nervous.

Andrei sat up in the bed. “Did you really think you could hide from me?” He mused.

She ignored his question. “Why are you here?”

He smiled. "Well, this _is_ my room."

She huffed angrily. "That's not what I meant. Why are you here, at the summit?"

He gave her a confused look. “I was invited.”

“But you’re…”

He raised a brow.

Alina waved her hands nonsensically. “You know.”

“Do I?”

She huffed another irritated breath and then whispered, as if the walls were listening. “ _Grisha._ ”

He gave her a secretive smile. “As are you, if I remember correctly.”

This wasn’t about _her_ ; this was about _him_. She needed answers. “Why were you following me? What do you want from me?” She asked.

“Who said I was following you?” He stood up from the bed and spoke nonchalantly as he walked slowly toward Alina. “Can’t a person take a stroll through the woods without getting interrogated?”

She squinted her eyes at him. “You knew my name.”

She saw the flicker in his eyes again, but he gave nothing else away.

“It is my job to know everything, _Alina_. And there are only so many artistic princesses that could possibly be in the woods outside Dom Ogni.”

He stopped right in front of her and stared down at her with a friendly smile. She believed there was more to it than that, so she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for a better answer.

He dropped his smile and sighed. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her face. His expression turned serious, and she had the thought that this was the first time she was really seeing _him_.

“When I saw you in the woods…I wished only to show you that you are not alone.”

 _Alone_. That word struck a chord within her and some part of her defenses crumbled then as she dropped her arms.

She found a second chance at some semblance of a life here in Dom Ogni, but it was not a home. It would never be a home. She knew nothing about this man before her, but she knew with certainty that he knew what that felt like.

A new sort of understanding burned between them. He slowly brought his hand up to her face. He was hesitant, like he was afraid that touching her skin would burn him. She could’ve moved away but she didn’t want to.

As his hand cupped her cheek, she felt the rush of surety again. She knew to expect it this time, but it was still just as intoxicating as it had been a week ago. With it, she felt the strong undercurrent of desire mingled with a bitterness, an anger. Was it hers? _Was it his?_

“What is that?” She whispered in wonder.

“I can show you.” She could feel his thumb as it massaged the apple of her cheek, coming closer to her lips with each sweep. “Will you let me?” He whispered.

She had never felt more connected to another person. In this moment, she would’ve let him do anything. “Yes.” She breathed.

His eyes flashed and she trembled. She didn’t know what was going to happen, but she knew that she wanted it, whatever _it_ was. She wanted _him_ -

Suddenly he dropped his hand and walked to the door, opening it slightly. “Tomorrow. For now, I would very much like to rest.”

Like a spell had been broken, she came to her senses and took that as an opportunity to leave. As she walked out the door, she looked back at him to ask a final question. As if he could read her mind, he spoke before she had the chance to.

“You already know the time and place, Alina.”

She gave him a questioning look.

He smiled mischievously. “I believe you’ve been spending a lot of time there the past week.”

Before she could reply, he closed the door and latched it. Alina huffed angrily back to her room and laid awake in her bed all night, thinking about how insufferable and rude he was. That he had gotten the upper hand on her again and she was dreadfully outmatched. He had something she wanted – knowledge of what she was and how to use her power. The question was – what did _she_ have that he wanted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Alina learns things, lotssss of things. She is an apt pupil :x
> 
> Updates every week/every other weekish


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was going to be very long, because I knew exactly where I wanted it to end. But now I decided to split it across 2 chapters, instead of trying to cram it all into one. Which means two things: 1) You'll get two chapters within a week because chapter 6 is basically already done, woot! 2) Some of the things I teased before will be in Chapter 6 instead of 5.
> 
> Also, was it a good idea for me to make a whole chapter about basically nothing but darklina? Probably not. But I did it anyway. Enjoy <3

Alina had gotten to the small clearing early to change from the dress she wore to breakfast into her preferred shirt and pants that were more conducive to training and working in the sun. It did not take long for Andrei to arrive. He strode elegantly through the brush wearing his fancy black clothes. When he walked up to Alina, he grabbed a book from the satchel he had strung across his shoulder and held it out to her. She could not hide her disappointed frown as she took the book from his hands. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Andrei arched a brow. “Read it.”

Andrei sat on the blanket that Alina had laid out in the grass and took out his own book to read. She reluctantly mirrored his movements, sitting a few feet away from him.

The book was bound in a worn red leather, with no marking or indentations on the cover that could identify its contents. She opened to the first page and her eyes widened. It was filled to the brim with tiny text, and any available space in the margins was filled with notes and phrases. The thing was impossible for her to read. The first sentence was barely legible Ravkan and it was half scribbled over with “ _What is infinite? What is infinite?_ ” She felt like she was reading the ravings of a madman.

She glanced at Andrei, but he was already engrossed in his own book. She released a loud, overdramatic, irritated sigh instead.

“Is there a problem?” Andrei asked without looking up from his book.

“This is just… not what I had in mind.” He didn’t reply, so she continued. “I thought you were going to show me how to be a Grisha and explain what ever that magic touch is. If you wanted to read books, we could’ve done that inside, where it’s not blazing hot.”

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, and a rueful smile played at his lips “Do you think I have a magic touch, Alina?”

She blushed. “Well, I- I didn’t mean-”

He returned his focus to whatever he was reading. “Have you even read past the first sentence?”

_No._ But she didn’t need to say that; he clearly already knew. He always knew everything when it came to her. She huffed as she tried to read it again.

It took her minutes to get past the first passage, and most of it didn’t make any sense, but it did seem to center around a common theme. Whoever wrote this was philosophizing about things called amplifiers: what their nature was, how they could be created.

According to this person, amplifiers were connected to the _making at the heart of the world_ just like Grisha supposedly were. This connection gave them the ability to amplify Grisha power, but they were rare. Usually only special creatures were amplifiers, and to amplify a person’s power the creature had to be destroyed by that Grisha and then their bones had to be worn. _Gruesome_ , she thought. She kept reading on.

She learned that this writer was testing the limits of amplifiers and believed that they could be made using something called _merzost_. They were all words she had never heard before, and no real explanations were provided in what she read, but it engrossed her. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was getting answers, even if she didn’t know what the questions were.

After what felt like hours of reading and trying to decipher the text, she finally looked up from the book. Andrei was staring at her with a strange expression on his face. It seemed like he had been watching her like that for a while. She held eye contact with him for only a moment before averting her eyes.

“Did you learn anything?” He asked softly.

She leaned back in the grass and braced her upper body with her hands. She thought about all the words and phrases jumbling around in her head. “Yes.” She sighed. “I think. Maybe. It’s- It’s a bit hard to follow.”

One corner of his lips lifted in a tiny smile. He kept silent, waiting for her to continue, so she did. She listed off what she had learned of amplifiers, the _making at the heart of the world_ , and _merzost_ like she would list off historical figures to one of her tutors. Her tutors would usually nod encouragingly at her, while Andrei just stared impassively, absorbing everything she was telling him. When she finished, she sat back and considered all that she had read, and the boy sitting in front of her. He stared at her, waiting for her to make the connection. At last, she did.

“Is that what you are?” She asked, disbelieving. “An amplifier?”

“Yes.”

“Grisha can be amplifiers?” It was a stupid question, considering the living proof was in front of her. But it still didn’t make sense. _Could he amplify his own power?_

“They can be. Though, it is just as rare.” As if he could see the string of questions about to pour from her lips, he continued. “I am a living amplifier. It amplifies my abilities and can amplify the abilities of other Grisha when I touch them. What you felt is a manifestation of that connection.”

That explained a lot, but it didn’t explain what else she felt when he touched her – the desire, the anger. Were those just her emotions being amplified? Did it even work that way? She was too embarrassed to ask.

Andrei stood up and brushed off his pants, though the blanket had protected him from all the grass and dirt anyway. He loomed over her and offered an outstretched hand. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she took it and felt the now familiar rush as he pulled her up off the ground. As soon as she was standing, he let go.

“When we see each other in the castle you must give _no_ indication that we know each other outside of that setting. Even when you think no one is watching. You will need to continue coming here to paint even on days that I won’t be here. And nothing must change about your overall schedule or what you bring with you. I-”

“What do you want?” She blurted out.

He paused, assessing her. “That is a complicated question, Alina. I want many things.”

Her cheeks heated as his gaze drifted around her face and lower, to where she was holding her hands to her chest. When she looked down to where he was staring, she realized that she had been absentmindedly rubbing her thumb across her palm where his hand had held hers. She immediately dropped her hands.

“What do you want _from me_? And don’t say you don’t want anything. I know you’re not the kind of person who would help me out of the goodness of your heart.”

Andrei’s glimmering grey eyes bored into hers as he stepped closer, until there was less than a foot of space between them. He bent forward, his face moving closer to hers, until he crouched at the last minute and picked up the red, leatherbound book. He stood back up and held it in the air between them.

“This was written by one of the greatest Grisha scientists and scholars to ever exist. He wrote many such journals and collections. I have them all… except one.”

“You think it’s here and you want me to find it for you.” She asserted. He nodded.

She thought about where it could be. Dom Ogni certainly had multiple vast libraries, but… “I have been looking for books on the Grisha my entire life and there is nothing like this here. I’m lucky to find anything that mentions them at all.”

“Don’t you think that’s strange?” Andrei implored. “That the strategic and powerful Petrov’s would have no books on one of their greatest threats?”

It did not make sense, and Alina did not know why such books would be kept in a place that she could not access them, but this somehow felt like an attack on Dimitri and she felt driven to defend him. “Grisha are rare and I’m sure books written by Grisha are even rarer. There would be no reason to hide them.” She didn’t add the _from me_ , but it still hung between them.

He sighed as he placed the journal back into his satchel. “The _otkazat’sya_ are not like us, Alina. They are not worthy of the trust you place in them.”

He didn’t say what the _otkazat’sya_ were, but he didn’t need to. _The abandoned._ There were those blessed by the universe and those that were ignored – _us_ and _them_. Alina did not see it that way, though; to her, they were all just people.

She had one last question before he started to walk away. “What happens if I can’t find it?”

He bent his head to the side as he contemplated her again, like she was some complicated equation. “I don’t know. What would you be willing to give me?”

Her traitorous mind went immediately to all the things her body wanted to give him every time he touched her. He gave her a small half-smile, like he knew exactly what she was thinking. “Don’t worry, Alina. You will find it.”

* * *

For the next few days, all of her energy was focused on her sessions with Andrei and her search for the journal. She would spend every night in the library searching, and then go to the clearing the next day to paint or train, depending on whether Andrei was there.

When he was there, they would read quietly together. She would sometimes ask questions, and he would only half answer them. She mostly asked about what she was reading, but she would sneak personal questions in as well. 

“How did you become an advisor?” She asked one afternoon.

“By extensive reading.” He replied curtly.

“Are you not worried about being discovered?”

“Are you?” He said, glancing up from his new book.

He was always good at answering her questions with questions of his own. It frustrated her, but he was usually right to ask them. Half of the things she wondered about him applied to herself as well. What if she was discovered? Would Dimitri disown her? Would he offer her like a sacrificial pig as a peace offering to the experimenting Shu?

When he saw the worried expression on her face, he sighed. “I’m very careful, Alina. I don’t trust just anyone.”

He held eye contact with her for a few moments before returning to his reading. _So, you trust me,_ she thought _._ For some reason, that thought made something flutter unexpectedly in her chest.

While she wanted to start practicing with her powers, she didn’t mind the reading as much anymore. She was learning a lot, and they had fallen into an easy routine. Though she was loath to admit it, she liked having him around, and she wanted to absorb all the Grisha knowledge she could before, presumably, Andrei left when the summit ended in a couple of weeks. At the very least, she finally learned what was infinite – _the universe and the greed of men_.

“I wonder what fun readings you have in store for me today.” She said jokingly as he walked into the clearing one afternoon.

He gave her a small smile. “I think we are done with readings for now.”

He stopped near her and lazily lifted a single hand. Tendrils of shadow spilled from his fingers, and Alina instinctually raised her hand to touch them. The shadows danced along her fingers like a writhing, living mist. Alina’s face lit up in wonder and excitement. She tried then to summon her light like Andrei did his shadows, lazily and with only one hand, but she got nothing. She sighed frustratedly.

“It won’t be that easy to start out. Try this.” Andrei stepped a couple of feet back from her. He braced his legs slightly apart and raised both of his hands so that they hung in front of him at a slight angle. He summoned the tendrils of darkness again, making them weave playfully around Alina. After a few moments he let his shadows dissipate and nodded for Alina to try.

Alina mirrored his movements, but when she tried to summon her light it did not come.

Andrei walked up to her and wiggled her elbow. “Keep this tucked in.”

He circled behind her and she felt his legs push hers out, causing her to inhale a sharp breath. “Your feet need to be further apart.”

She felt him hover over her shoulder as he waited for her to try again. When she did, this time there was only a small spark of light. She groaned frustratedly. “I don’t know what I am doing wrong!”

“Close your eyes.” He said.

She whirled around and looked at him suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “If I was going to try something, Alina, I would do it while your eyes are open.”

Her heart fluttered in her chest as they shared a heated gaze. More to hide the heat flooding to her cheeks, she turned back around and nodded once her eyes were closed. She felt his hand as it came to rest on her shoulder and then slid to lightly brace her bare neck. The rush of certainty filled her body once again, causing her to release a long, easy breath. His other hand bracketed the side of her waist to steady her.

“Focus on your power. Do you feel it?” He whispered in her ear.

She was feeling a lot of things right then. She couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time they met. Alina had felt the desire and belonging then, but now it was amplified tenfold. She supposed getting to know a person and liking them could do that. She wondered if he felt anything similar or if he just saw her as a means to an end.

Alina pushed those thoughts aside as she searched for her power. She felt it in the pit of her stomach. “Yes, I feel it.” She breathed.

“It wants to get out.”

Andrei’s fingers drew tiny circles on her neck and Alina felt like she might die. She was hyperaware of his touch, and heat flooded her body. She didn’t want to speak for fear of what she would say, so she nodded in reply.

“Set it free.” His lips grazed the tip of her ear and she gasped.

She grasped the light in her minds eye, letting it siphon through her fingers. She was acutely aware of the feel of his hands as they left her body and he stepped back, but she kept her hands raised and imagined her power flowing from her palms.

“Open your eyes.”

When she did, she saw that a large ball of light was floating between her hands. Even in the middle of the day, it radiated powerful beams of light that cast long shadows into the clearing. Never in all of her years of practicing had she ever summoned something so large and magnificent as this. And to think that it wasn’t even a challenge! All she did was let it go – imagine what she could do when she actually tried to control it, focus it, and maneuver it. When she finally let it the light go out, she spun around excitedly to share in her success with Andrei.

He did not seem impressed, and merely gave her an indifferent expression as he said “Again.”

* * *

They had another large dinner planned that night with all the guests and advisors. The assigned seating was the same as before – Vitya across from Alina, Andrei to her right, and Dimitri at the head of the table a few seats to her left.

Alina cursed herself for so publicly snubbing Andrei at the last dinner because now she needed to purposefully ignore him to keep up the pretense. She kept her face turned towards Vitya where he talked with the Lantsov king about Os Alta architecture, but her mind was elsewhere.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that afternoon in the clearing, when Andrei’s lips had grazed her ear, and then he had kept her at arm’s length for the rest of the afternoon. She realized that almost all of their interactions had been like that. As soon as he showed any sort of inclination towards her, he backed out or walked away. Andrei clearly had his games and Alina wondered if maybe this was one of them. If he was somehow testing her yet again.

“They’re all witches, I say!” The plump Anatoli Lantsov bellowed next to her, drawing her out of her thoughts and into the conversation.

“I have heard some have incredible healing abilities.” Vitya replied.

Anatoli waved him off. “They will heal you for your coin and then curse you in their next breath.”

“Why would they do that?” Andrei’s cool, cutting voice questioned. Alina stiffened.

“They’re unnatural.” Anatoli Lantsov asserted. “They thirst for our blood for their dark rituals.”

“I have traveled the world and have met many Grisha.” Andrei spoke calmly, but Alina sensed the danger lurking in his tone. “I have never seen any _dark rituals_. In fact, I have only ever seen them perform incredible feats to help others.”

Anatoli looked disgusted. “Would you defend them?”

“Not at all. I just think that discounting a people who could be the key to saving Ravka exhibits a lack of critical thinking ability.”

Anatoli fumed next her and looked ready to explode.

“I agree.” Alina piped in. Everyone looked directly at her, but she did not let the attention cow her. “I have heard stories of the Grisha. If even part of that is true, I think they would make formidible allies for Ravka.”

“Anatoli!” Dimitri beckoned from the head of the table. “We are trying to determine where the best fox hunting spots are – what say you?”

The Lantsov king seemed to forget his previous irritation and began immediately listing off all of his favorite locales. Everyone else seemed to move on, too, returning to other conversations. Alina couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Andrei, who was the only one still looking at her. His face was impassive as usual, but something in his eyes made her skin heat. They shared that look for only a moment before they both looked away and continued pretending that there wasn’t something growing between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Some things happen. A tree is involved. 
> 
> Updates every week/every other weekish.  
> Sometimes I post little teasers on my Tumblr @moussescientist


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re very quiet this morning.” Pavel murmured as they worked dough together in the kitchens.

Alina was always the one to start rambling or venting about this or that, but this morning she was uncharacteristically quiet. For she was trying very hard not to think of Andrei, but that just made her think of him more.

Last night, after Vitya escorted her back from dinner, she had spent almost the entire night lying awake in her bed. She couldn’t close her eyes because every time she did, she saw Andrei’s black curls and rueful smile. They had been terrorizing her for a couple of weeks already, but now it was terrifying in a whole new way. She didn’t think of his features anymore with irritation or anger, but with something akin to longing.

Alina had found other people attractive before, and had flirted with a good share of boys, though it never went beyond that because of her position. What she felt with Andrei was different. It was a tightening in her chest every time she saw him. A fluttering feeling low in her stomach when he looked at her. A whispering in her blood when they touched.

She felt drawn to him. When he was in a room with her, she found herself subconsciously moving closer to him. When they sat together at dinner, she found it hard not to look in his direction. And last night, as she heard the tell-tale sounds of a door opening and closing, of drawers sliding out, and of heavy chests being closed in the room adjacent to hers, she had felt driven to go to him.

It was entirely ridiculous. They had shared what she thought were heated glances, but she had no real indication of his regard for her beyond that. And even if he did like her, what would going to him in the night entail? They certainly would not just sip tea into the early morning hours, discussing Grisha theory. She could not just give herself to someone like that – what would Yelena say? _Foolish peasant girl_.

Her love life, if she ever had one, would have to be highly regimented. Alina was essentially already promised to Vitya, and Andrei would leave in a few days once the summit ended. She decided to just suffer through her growing feelings, brushing them off as an uncommon attachment, and hope that they would dissipate as soon as he left.

For now, though, it was torture. As she laid in her bed that night, staring into the vast quiet dark, she wondered about the boy sleeping in the bed just beyond her wall. _Can he hear the beating of my heart?_

Alina sighed as she pressed her palms into the dough. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

Pavel watched her with his wide, brown eyes. He sat almost a foot taller than Alina now, and had a long, thin frame. Thick, frizzled brown hair sat atop his head. “I- uh, I heard there was an argument an dinner?”

Alina nodded. The servants always whispered, and she was certain they would be whispering of the Lantsov lord’s outburst and the quiet Petrov princess’ defense of witches.

“I think what you said was brave.” Pavel sputtered. “A lot of people agree with you but are too afraid to say it because- well, uh…. you know.”

She did know. Those that were outspoken about their support of Grisha were often then branded as Grisha themselves. Soon after they would be found dead in an alley somewhere or arrested and executed if they even made it that long. Alina’s place in society offered her protection from that, but it was a fine line.

“Thank you, Pavel.” She gave him a small smile and he grinned widely in return.

“I think that fancy advisor just likes to start drama.” Pavel asserted.

Alina froze for a moment before slowly rolling out more dough. “The one with the black hair?” She asked, trying to sound as uninterested as possible.

Pavel nodded. “I swear he is all the maids ever talk about. Several claim to have been rather, um, _intimate_ with him. He hasn’t paid any of them a lick of attention since, so now they’re all jealous of each other. He seems like the type to create trouble wherever he goes.”

Alina furrowed her brows as she pressed into the dough again. She had always thought that Andrei was the type to get around but hearing that he did was still surprising. This was just further proof that anything they shared, or could possibly share, wouldn’t be special in his eyes. She was just one of many, a thing to be left and forgotten in a few days’ time.

Pavel saw the change in her expression and tried to back track. “I mean, if you like him, I’m sure he’s fine and all those maids are liars anyways-”

“No, you’re right.” Alina replied coldly. “He’s nothing but trouble.”

Pavel was about to say something else when Yelena walked in.

“The lord wants to see you, girl.” Yelena crooned.

Alina nodded and dusted her hands on her apron, before taking it off and placing it on the hook.

Pavel smiled at Alina, saying without speaking that he would be able to finish everything just fine on his own. She smiled back at him in thanks before following Yelena out. 

* * *

This was what he enjoyed most. A nudge here, a whisper there. People were easy to manipulate if you knew their weaknesses, and he knew everyone’s weaknesses, even his own.

Anatoli Lantsov’s was that he was a proud, angry sort of man. He had been born and raised in a golden palace and had never been told no or had been disagreed with. Aleksander knew it was a risk pushing him last night at dinner, revealing in some small way his own leanings, but it had worked.

While Anatoli had easily moved on then, taking a cue from the ever-watchful Dimitri, his hate of the Grisha had clearly simmered overnight. So, now that they were in the proper setting for such discussions, he boiled over.

“The fact that this is even being considered is blasphemy!” Anatoli yelled, slamming a fist onto the table.

Alexei Oblonsky beseeched the room. He was a short, hardy man that ruled on Ravka’s coast from Os Kervo. Always concerned about his bottom line. “We need more men. More forces. Where else will we get them? Not to mention that one Grisha could very well be worth a whole unit of soldiers.”

Vitya laughed mockingly. “When compared to _your_ soldiers, I’m sure.”

Alexei glared at him before the whole room erupted in argument.

Vitya was one to watch, Aleksander noted. He spoke often, but only to direct conversation or probe people’s opinions, all the while maintaining a neutral façade himself. He was clever, for sure, but reeked of ambition. Obvious from not only his seemingly constant need to be acknowledged, but in his pursuit of her. _Alina._

Aleksander slid his gaze to Dimitri, who observed the ensuing yelling match with a furrowed brow. He made no move to reprimand Vitya for the insult, or smooth over the situation as he should’ve. _Interesting._

Based on what Aleksander had observed, Dimitri was the most cunning of the lot. Clever, like Vitya, but lacking in any clear weakness besides his affection and concern for his ward. Vitya always stood up for Dimitri in these discussions, and they seemed close, but there was a well-hidden uneasiness in their relationship. A coolness, distinct from that normal coolness that Dimitri showed most people. The fact that Dimitri had placed _her_ in his commanders arms just showed how concerned he was that she would end up in another’s during this summit. _Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t._ Aleksander almost chuckled. Clearly Dimitri had not prepared for _his_ brand of devil, though.

Aleksander had made many… _friends_ in the castle during the week leading up to the summit. It had been easy to ensure that he was assigned the seat next to hers at dinner, and even easier to get the guest room next door. He had watched her in the forest every day during that week before the summit as she waited for him. And she did, wait for him – every day. She was eager to see him again. _So eager_. He nearly groaned at the thought.

It had been harder than he imagined it would be not to go to her then. _Dangerous_ – this thing between them. He had touched other Grisha before. Rarely, since his touch gave away what he was, and the Grisha were a desperate people of no fault of their own. He could feel their power when he did, but with Alina he felt her power and something more. An exchange between them. What was even more dangerous was that he could tell she felt it, too, though she likely didn’t recognize what it was. _Like calls to like_.

It had become more apparent as they spent their afternoons together. He felt drawn to her – to watch her, observe her. Unlike so many in her position, Alina wore every thought and feeling on her face, even when she tried not to. She was an open book for all to read, but she was somehow still so unexpected. He certainly didn’t anticipate that she would come to their people’s defense at dinner. It sparked something in his chest when she did. He dared not linger on it. Not yet. Baghra had warned him of the danger of such things many times.

“I will not be apart of some Ravkan alliance that is just going to turn our great country into a Grisha state!” Anatoli ranted.

“We all need the alliance, Anatoli.” Dimitri voiced. “And using the Grisha to get ahead is smart.”

Anatoli grimaced at Dimitri. “Did the peasant girl get to you too?”

The room fell silent as they held their breath, waiting for Dimitri’s response. They had all heard of the things he had done to gain power, and rumors of things far worse to keep it. It’s why they had voted to hold the summit here – to gauge how much of threat he was.

Dimitri stared at Anatoli with a dark look, and Anatoli, the coward that he was, shifted on his feet and averted his eyes.

“I think that’s enough discussion for now. We’ll continue after lunch.” Dimitri said dismissively.

* * *

Alina by now knew the way, but Yelena always went with her regardless. Yelena didn’t say anything as she opened the door to Dimitri’s office and then left Alina in there.

Alina walked slowly around the space and was running her fingers along the worn velvet couch when her eyes snagged on the bookcase on the far wall. She glanced toward the door, checking to make sure Dimitri was not about to walk in before she hurried over.

She scanned all the dusty volumes, checking and checking for the journal. As she was about to give up, she saw it, squeezed between two thick books. It had the same red hue and had no exterior markings or indentations. When she opened it up and flipped through it, she saw that it had the same, nearly illegible script. She was about to rejoice right then and there when the door creaked open, and she hid the journal in the folds of her dress before turning around.

“Looking to do some light reading?” Dimitri chuckled as he walked into the room and stood near Alina.

Alina smiled. “Saints, no. Of course not. I just like looking at all the old tomes.”

Dimitri chuckled again before he went into that contemplative state and gestured for Alina to take the seat in front of his desk, as she always did during these sorts of meetings. She took special care to hold her dress _just so_ , so that the journal remained hidden beneath the pleats of her skirt.

“I hope that Vitya is treating you well.” Dimitri started.

“He is. He’s very helpful with all the names and relationships.”

Dimitri nodded and then sighed. “I wish you didn’t have to be apart of this world, Alina. It can be very unforgiving. Especially since every single word you speak can be used against you.”

“Is this about last night?” She asked. “About me agreeing that the Grisha are not monsters?”

“Everything you say doesn’t just reflect on you. It reflects on me as well.”

“Are you saying that you agree with him?” Alina asked, stunned.

“Of course not.” He replied coolly. “I’m just telling you to be careful.”

“You’re telling me not to speak my mind.” She surmised.

Dimitri waited a few moments before replying. “Just be careful.”

Alina stood up and mockingly curtsied before him. “I will do my best, _my Lord_.” She turned and stormed out of his office.

“Alina-” He called.

She didn’t hear the rest as she slammed the door behind her and walked back to her room.

* * *

It was a strange thing, being excited for the next day. Alina had wasted so many days in her routine of merely existing that she had forgotten what it meant to be excited for a new one. And she was indeed very excited for this one.

Andrei wasn’t able to train with her yesterday and the summit meetings had gone late into the night. She thought about waiting up for him, knocking on his door late at night like a secret mistress, but she'd decided she would much rather share her success with him under the sun.

She ate her breakfast quickly but saved some bread and fruits for her bag. She wore a simple blue dress that was as bright as the sky and packed her normal set of shirt and pants to train in, placing the journal carefully under her clothes. She spent longer than she usually did on her hair and silently cursed herself for it.

She couldn’t help the thoughts that slipped into her mind. _Will this impress him? Will he be proud of me?_ She wanted his approval. Craved it. If only to see the way it would make his eyes glimmer. Even if she was not good enough to get his acknowledgement during training, maybe she could get it now.

_All of this_ , she thought, _for a boy she barely knew_. Something riled in her at that thought, but she continued to ignore it, filing it away deep in her heart and mind. 

When she made it to the forest clearing, she nearly gasped in surprise to see Andrei already standing there.

“Alina.” He smiled. “I thought we could get started a little early today.”

“I-I’m not…” She stammered as she gestured at her dress.

Andrei’s gaze slowly examined her and her outfit. She couldn’t help the reddening of her cheeks as he did. “That dress should be fine.”

She nodded as she placed her bag on the ground and walked towards him.

They practiced for at least an hour. Alina was now able to reliably conjure a glowing orb of light and maintain it for a few minutes at a time. By her measure, this was already a great improvement, but Andrei always pushed her towards perfection and never seemed satisfied. It didn’t help that she was making more mistakes than usual today, too. She was too focused on the journal she felt burning a hole through her bag. He could sense it.

“Is everything alright, Alina?” He asked as they neared the end of their session.

_Now or never._ “I have something for you.” She spun and hurried toward her bag. She took out the journal and walked back to him. Recognition lit his eyes almost immediately.

Andrei gently took the journal from her hands as she held it out. A large smile overtook his face as he flipped through its pages. It made her smile, too. She had never seen him so incredibly happy or emotive. It pulled at her heart.

“You’ve found it.” He chuckled softly. “My Alina, you’ve found it.”

He dropped the journal on the ground and braced her head with his hands as he leaned in and kissed her. It was quick – a little peck. But even in that short time, with the press of his lips against hers she felt the rush of certainty. Yet that rush was a mere ripple compared to the wave of joy that overtook her. And there was something else with it, too, that she couldn’t quite name. It was like the warmth of the sun.

When he dropped his hands and pulled back a moment later, his expression was wonderous but cautious.

“Alina...” He whispered.

Feeling brave and a little bit reckless, she brought her hand to his cheek as she balanced on her toes to kiss _him_ this time. He was tense for only a second before he pulled her body against his and kissed her back. She did not know what she was doing but he did not seem to mind.

His tongue played at her lips, asking for entrance, and she opened for him. He tasted like a harsh winter wind, cool and unforgiving. Through their contact she felt his desire, which served to compound with her own, along with the anger and bitterness that was always there. The warmth she felt before was still there, too, but he was trying to hide it, whatever it was.

He groaned into her mouth as his hands roved her back and weaved into her hair. He was moving her back and before Alina knew it, she was pressed against a tree. She gasped as the bark dug into the back of her dress and his teeth nibbled at her ear and grazed her neck. His body was pressed hard against hers and his lips and hands felt like they were everywhere at once.

His hand lifted the skirt of her dress and grasped her bare thigh, lifting it. She instinctively wrapped her leg around his waist and the movement somehow allowed her to be brought even closer to him. At the center of her thighs, she felt the hard, warm press of him through their clothes.

She moaned into his mouth, “ _Andrei_.”

He broke away from the kiss and froze. They were both breathing heavily, and she felt the anger and bitterness surge within him. She couldn’t help but remember what Pavel had told her, and she grew self-conscious, thinking it might be because of her inexperience.

“I- I’ve never-”

“It’s not that.” He said too quickly. He dropped her leg and took a step back so that she wasn’t pushed into the tree, though he still held her in the safety of his arms.

His eyes scanned her face, as if he were looking for the right words and believed them to be hidden there.

“I just want to do this the right way.” He said at last with a sigh. “Isn’t there a whole courting procedure I need to follow?”

The official way to court someone involved an escort at all private meetings, and pre-sanctioned physical contact. “I think we are _way_ beyond that.” She joked.

He smiled mischievously. “Still, when I have you, Alina, it won’t be against a tree.”

Her skin flushed at the thought of what that would’ve been like, and what his words promised for their future.

* * *

Aleksander fell back against the shoddy tavern bed as he ran his hands through his hair. He had just barely avoided Ana, the tavern girl he had slept with a few times, and had had to use his shadows to conceal himself as he snuck upstairs.

His mother laughed from where she stood in the corner of the small room, arms crossed. “Is she no longer to your liking?”

He sighed. “They are never to my liking.” Them. The _otkazat’sya_. They would as soon flay him as they would fuck him. It was only fair that he offered them the same courtesy.

“How is the Lantsov lord fairing?”

“Distraught and distended as usual – fearful of the future.”

“Did they react well?” Baghra pried.

“They discussed it openly for a long time, but no one has committed yet.” Aleksander couldn’t help but grimace, bracing himself for her sharp retort.

Instead, Baghra glanced at the red leather-bound journal Aleksander had tossed on the bed beside him.

“And the girl?” She asked thoughtfully.

His eyes locked on hers. “What of her?”

Baghra’s sharp gaze drilled into his own, as if she could see into his soul. Aleksander was certain the woman could. She had always seen through him, to all the little pieces he tried to keep for himself – knew exactly where to slice him open.

“They are not ready.” Baghra stated matter-of-factly. “You need to abandon this place, and whatever dream you have of this girl.”

Aleksander sat up in the bed, keeping his face calm and impassive even as anger roiled within him. “We need her.”

His mother scoffed. “We need no one but ourselves. Have you learned nothing, boy?”

_Boy._ He couldn’t help but flinch at the word. He would always be a child in her eyes.

“She is Grisha-”

“She is already dust,” Baghra interjected. “ _They_ are not ready, and _she_ will only weaken you further.” _A poison_.

He snarled at her in reply. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rage broiled in his mother’s eyes as tendrils of shadow rose up behind her and wove around the room. His own shadows rose in reply, colliding with hers to slowly blanket the room in darkness.

She laughed, the sound low and cruel. “Do not mock me, boy. You think because you have read a few books and been around the world that you know anything about power - you, who still thinks in terms of years and not decades?” 

He felt certain that she would lash out at him. But suddenly, she seemed to catch herself and her shadows receded. His soon followed.

Baghra released a heavy sigh and Aleksander’s expression softened. “I know what I’m doing, mother.”

She scoffed. “I certainly hope so.” Baghra drummed her fingers against her forearm in contemplation for a few moments. Then, as she walked out of the room, she added, “Fine, do as you wish, but you will receive no more help from me. It is time for you to grow up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Revelations and a shared dream
> 
> Updates every week/every other weekish.  
> Sometimes I post little teasers on my Tumblr @moussescientist


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is very dramatic... Enjoy!

It had only been a few days since their kiss in the woods, and every moment alone with Andrei since was like a dream. Alina had never known such happiness – not since her parents had died. It was a thought born of naïveté, she knew that, but it was true just the same.

They still practiced and read during their sessions, but it wouldn’t take long before his hand would linger on hers for just a moment too long, or Alina would watch him with such longing that they both became undone.

It had not yet gone beyond what they did on that first day – passionate kissing and roving hands. Part of Alina wished it had gone further, while the other, more sensible part of her was glad it didn’t. They were in a complicated situation. Alina was not some mere peasant girl anymore, no matter how much in these moments she wished that she were. She longed to be able to just give herself freely, to whoever she wanted and whenever she wanted, but to do so would draw the ire of Dimitri. She had always known Dimitri as a gentle man, but the others were clearly fearful of him and she knew that there must be a reason for that. So, she and Andrei had decided to keep things between them a secret for now.

Andrei, always seeming to sense her trepidation, never tried to go any further physically. Instead, he devoured every single piece of herself that she currently made available to him – her mouth, her neck, her shoulder. He was always so tender yet punishing, his anger and bitterness always simmering just below the surface. Every brush of his skin on hers was like a brand.

_“When did you learn to summon the shadows?” She had asked yesterday as he trailed soft kisses along her jaw and down her neck._

_He hummed against her skin, “I didn’t learn. I’ve just always known.”_

_“Really? I didn’t even know I could-” She was cut off on a gasp as his teeth bit lightly into her skin, causing her fingers to tighten their grip on his hair. Her gasp turned into a moan as his tongue massaged the spot. He lifted his head and gave her a self-satisfied smirk before he brought his lips down on hers, and she stopped asking questions._

“Where did you get that?” Yelena asked angrily, drawing Alina out of her memories. Alina couldn’t help but run her fingers over the small bruise on her collarbone as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“I ran into a branch.”

Yelena narrowed her eyes.

“A _big_ branch.” Alina clarified.

Yelena gripped Alina’s hair tightly as she brushed out the knots. “You better work on that excuse before you run into Dimitri.”

“It’s not an excuse. I tripped coming back from my painting yesterday and fell shoulder first into a tree. You know how clumsy I am.”

Yelena chuckled, the sound sharp. “I also know you’re a terrible liar.”

Alina sputtered, trying to think of a response but Yelena continued.

“I have lived long enough to have tripped into a quite few ‘branches’ myself. Who is it from?”

Alina thought for a second about claiming it was from Vitya – he seemed nice enough and Alina had grown to like him. If this ever got back to Dimitri, though, it would just make their engagement that much more likely. So, using Vitya as a scapegoat wasn’t worth the risk. Alina decided instead to just remain silent.

Yelena sighed. “Foolish, stupid girl.”

Yelena said nothing else besides mumbling some words and phrases that Alina couldn’t hear as she finished prepping Alina for the day. The dress Yelena picked out was a bright blue and had a high collar. Alina knew that choice was no accident. She hoped that Yelena’s suspicions didn’t make it back to Dimitri, but even if they did, he would have a hard time tying it to Andrei. They had been extra careful about showing the usual level of hatred toward each other in public, even if it seemed like no one was watching.

Alina brought her sketch book with her instead of her canvases and paints for her daily outing. As she waited for Andrei to arrive, she sat against a tree and sketched the mountain peaks in the distance, and the pointy tips of the trees as they jutted toward the sky.

“You would make a good map maker.” A cool voice reasoned from over her shoulder.

She jumped a little at the sound and instinctually pressed her sketch book against her chest to hide it. They had spent almost two weeks together training in these woods and yet she still couldn’t hear Andrei coming unless he wanted to be heard.

She smiled shyly at him as she lowered her sketch book and scanned her sketches. “Maybe in another life.”

He gave her a small smile in return as he sat down next to her against the tree.

“What’s the plan for today, _oh Great Dark One_?” Alina joked.

Andrei merely raised his brows, but she could tell he was trying very hard to keep the smile that started to lift the corners of his lips from spreading into a whole grin at her impromptu title.

“That’s an interesting outfit choice for you,” he said as he nodded toward her thick, high-collared dress.

She pulled at the fabric around her neck as if it itched. It was still the middle of summer, and the heat was starting to get to her already.

“It wasn’t really a choice. I have a… a bruise.” She said as her cheeks turned a deep red.

His eyes went immediately to the spot on her collarbone as if he could see through the fabric. His heated gaze caused her to flush even further somehow. Before they could both fall apart before even starting any training, he turned away from her and pulled one of the red, leather-bound journals from his bag and handed it to her.

She rested her head on his chest as she read. Andrei held his own book in one hand, and lazily wove his fingers through her hair with the other. It was strange – how they had gone from mere strangers to… _this_ in only a few weeks, as if they had never been strangers at all. She again had the thought that she could very much see herself being like this, with him, forever. But it was foolish – the summit ended tomorrow, and then Andrei would be gone, and Alina would likely be engaged to Vitya. She didn’t want to dwell on that now, though, so she focused on her reading.

The mysterious author of these journals was once again going into an in-depth discussion of Grisha amplifiers – the way they could be extracted and how the power laid in the bones of the body left behind.

“It’s all so gruesome,” Alina commented quietly, Andrei’s fingers still running through her hair. “I mean, can you imagine if someone tried to kill _you_ and take _your_ bones?”

She said it as a joke, but she felt him stiffen against her immediately. She turned her face to look at him and he wore a solemn, serious expression as he stared into the forest beyond. _What all had he endured before meeting her? What scars did he carry that she could not see?_

Unconsciously, she brought her hand up to cup his cheek. She did not know what to say – what she could _ever_ say that would be enough to convey-

“Our people are forced into the shadows; forced to do desperate things just to survive,” he whispered; voice rough with emotion. “They are executed just for _existing_ , for choosing to embrace who they are.”

His expression hardened with resolve, and his grey eyes were bright as they locked with hers. “But we will change that.”

“How,” she whispered, unable to stop herself from voicing the thoughts that had been running through her head all day. “You leave tomorrow, and I have no power to do anything-”

“Has Dimitri made you believe that? That you are powerless?”

“No, of course not.” Alina said quickly. But as she thought about it, had Dimitri ever actually given her any power? Sure, she could explore the grounds and surrounding area, and mostly made her own schedule, but maybe that was all just the illusion of choice – of power. When it came to the really important stuff, he had always made the decision for her.

“You have the power and the position to change the _world_. You can make it so that the Grisha never have to live in fear ever again. You want that, don’t you?” His words were desperate, impassioned.

“Of course.” She breathed. She never wanted to see a Grisha persecuted. She would fight for the acceptance of her people with whatever power she had. She would do what she could to make Ravka and the world a better place for _everyone_. Andrei looked visibly relieved at her reply, until she said “But Dimitri-”

“He doesn’t matter.” He said coolly, though his tone was full of malice. “He won’t be able to stop what is coming.”

Before she could reply, he cupped her face in his hands, keeping her gaze locked on him.

“I am not leaving tomorrow.”

Her heart thumped in her chest.

“I am staying with you.”

She had forgotten how to breathe.

“We will always be together, like this, if you will have me.”

She was beyond words, beyond comprehension. It was as if someone had gone into the recesses of her heart and had offered her the dreams she kept locked away.

If she was smart, if she wasn’t so affected by him, she would’ve asked questions – she would’ve known that such things were not possible. But she didn’t do or think any of that. Instead, when he asked, “Will you have me, Alina?” she said, her reply barely above a whisper, “ _Yes._ ”

He kissed her tenderly, and she pulled him down on top of her as she laid back in the grass. Their kisses were lazy at first, slow, as if they had all of the time in the world, then they became more hungry, desperate. He ground his hip into hers, and even with the thick layers of her dress and his clothes between them, the friction caused her to moan. His teeth dragged along her jaw, and his hand gripped her waist, but he made no move to lift up her dress.

She had been afraid of what Dimitri and Yelena would think. She had been afraid about somehow ruining herself in their eyes. Now, she did not care. Andrei had offered her always and forever; she had said yes. There was no going back now.

“I want you.” She whispered in his ear as his lips explored her neck. He lifted his head to look at her. His lips were swollen, and his quartz grey eyes were glazed with desire, but his expression was thoughtful, objective.

“Alina-”

“ _Please._ ” She begged.

He searched her face, assessing, thinking, until his eyes landed on her lips. Through their connection, she felt the conflict within him. _He wants me, too_ , she thought. _Why is he holding back?_

Everything was quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the rustling of the leaves and their heavy breathing. Then, coming to a decision, he nodded almost imperceptibly. “Not here. I will come to you tonight.”

They shared one more long, tender kiss before he stood up and helped Alina off the ground. She dusted off the bits of grass and dirt and he helped her pack up her things. They stood facing each other.

“Tonight.” She stated, almost like a question.

He gave her a rueful smile. “Tonight,” he promised.

It was a long walk back to Dom Ogni, or it at least _felt_ like a long walk to Alina. Her mind was racing with everything that had happened today, and the promises of things to come that night. Her good sense slowly returned to her, too. He had told her that he was staying with her and had promised her that it would always be like this between them, and she had said yes to that future faster than she had said yes to anything in her life. But now, as the haze of desire cleared, she wondered what exactly she had agreed to, how that future could possibly work.

_Dimitri._ What would he think? Would he even allow such a thing? She had decided earlier that it didn’t matter what he thought, and her mind had not changed on that front, but she would be lying if she said it did not worry her. She did not need his approval and support, but she wanted it. She cared for Dimitri, and he had always done what was best for her and her happiness. He would be mad that she kept this from him, but she had to believe that he would let her have this happiness in the end.

Andrei did not seem concerned about Dimitri’s opinion at all. Actually, now that she thought about it, Andrei had said something important related to Dimitri. _What was it_ …

Alina was so caught up in her own thoughts that she ran directly into another person just outside of Dom Ogni.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” Alina exclaimed as she adjusted the strap of the satchel that carried her art supplies.

“It is I who should apologize, my lady.” The woman bowed slightly and then stood straight to look at Alina. The woman was beautiful, unbelievably so. Her hair was a dark black, and fell down to her waist in thick, wavy strands. She didn’t appear to be much older than Alina, but something in the woman’s dark, knowing gaze unnerved her.

“Do – do I know you?” Alina asked tentatively.

“No, but I know you.” She replied coolly.

“Are you one of the guests at the summit?” Alina felt like she would’ve recalled seeing someone that looked like her, and something about the woman was vaguely familiar, but maybe Alina had forgotten. Or had gotten the woman’s face mixed up with all the others in the past couple of weeks.

The woman was silent for a moment as her eyes swept over Alina, studying her. Then the woman said, “In a way I suppose I am.”

Something prickled on the back of Alina’s neck, telling her to end this strange conversation and run-in as quickly as possible. “Well, it was nice meeting you. I really must be going.”

The woman didn’t move or turn to watch as Alina walked past her and scurried toward the back entrance.

“Protect your heart, girl. He will only break it in the end.” The woman called over her shoulder.

Alina froze.

The woman released a heavy sigh before walking away.

* * *

Alina was brushing out her hair in preparation for the final group dinner that night when she heard a knock at her door. Her heart jumped in anticipation, thinking it might be Andrei already, but when she opened the door, it was someone unexpected.

“Dimitri,” she said in a surprised tone.

He gave her a small nod in acknowledgement and stepped into her room. He walked around the edges and seemed to be inspecting the space. Alina, for her part, was frozen in shock. Dimitri, in all the time she had lived here, had never come to her room. She was always brought to him, or he would meet with her at some predetermined location. When he finished his quick inspection and seemed satisfied, he walked over to her desk and began lazily turning over her books and papers. _Something is wrong_ , Alina thought.

Dimitri said confidently, his tone that of a king, “There will be no group dinner tonight. The summit is ending early.”

“Oh?” Alina asked, trying not to sound too interested or that she had any stake or interest in how the summit ended. _Something is very wrong._

He was silent as he continued messing with the things on her desk, the silence stretching between them. Alina became increasingly anxious, and she could hear the thumping of her blood thrumming in her ears. At last, Dimitri gripped his hands behind his back and stood up straight as he stared directly at Alina. His expression was blank, lacking the usual warmth or friendliness that he shared with her.

“I have uncovered a plot against my life,” Dimitri said nonchalantly. Alina gasped, but he continued before she could say anything, “I had suspected such a plot, though I am a little bit surprised to find it had involved so many, including some of my own.”

“Who-” Alina asked, her mind racing, “Who would do such a thing?”

Dimitri shrugged, as if this were a normal occurrence. “Those who want Dva Stolba for themselves, who are foolish enough to believe they have what it takes to command an unruly army and keep the Shu at bay.”

Alina ventured a guess, “Anatoli Lantsov?” He was loud and quick to anger, it wouldn’t surprise her if he were involved.

Dimitri laughed. “No. He is foolish but not _that_ foolish.”

Dimitri stepped forward slowly, intently, moving closer to Alina until he was just a foot or two away. He watched her face as he said, “Andrei Ivanov.”

Alina stood there shocked, confused. She tried her best to hide her shifting emotions, but something in her expression must have given her away.

“Does that name ring a bell?” Dimitri asked coldly. “It should. Somehow, he was both assigned to the room next to yours _and_ to the seat next to you at dinner. Strange, don’t you think?”

Alina steeled herself, but her voice came out quieter than she’d intended when she said, “I barely know him-”

“How long, Alina?” Dimitri asked calmly, but his tone was cutting and cruel.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“How… long?” He repeated.

Alina looked up at him resolutely, defiantly, but she couldn’t help the tears that began to well in her eyes. That must’ve been answer enough.

“Did he have you steal my journal?”

Alina didn’t say anything at first. She could barely comprehend him over the roaring in her head.

“Answer me.” He commanded.

“Yes.”

Dimitri asked urgently, “Did you read it?”

“No.”

Dimitri finally moved back from Alina and went to sit on her bed. His cold mask seemed to slip away for a moment, and he appeared just as shaken as her.

“This is all my fault,” Dimitri spoke softly, “I thought I could protect you from this place, but it has come for you same as it did for me. I never should have-” he sighed and ran a hand through his blonde locks that were now peppered with strands of grey and white.

“Where is he?” Alina asked suddenly. “I want to see him.”

Dimitri’s mask slipped back into place. “He has been detained as a traitor.”

“You must have gotten something wrong.” Alina rambled. Deep down a part of her recognized the truth for what it was, but she couldn’t let it be true. “He wouldn’t do such a thing.”

“Why? Because you know him?” Dimitri scoffed. “Andrei Ivanov isn’t even his name. There are no records of such a person even existing before a year ago.”

“I don’t believe you.” Alina asserted, even as her heart shattered into pieces. “I want to see him.”

“You will not see him. You will not leave this room.”

“I need to see him! You cannot keep me from him!” She had lost all good sense at this point, now driven only by the need to see him. To learn the truth for herself, to hear it form his lips.

“It is only for the night.” Dimitri said as he walked out of her room. As he shut her door on the way out, he said “He’ll be executed in the morning.”

“No!” She screamed. Alina ran to open her door, but it was locked. She could hear Dimitri on the other side of the wall as he spoke some commands to guards that were now stationed outside her room. She slammed her fists against the doors thick wooden surface, but it did not budge. She yelled and she screamed, but no one addressed her or acknowledged her anguish.

_We will always be together, like this…_

_My Alina…_

_He’ll be executed in the morning._

She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. _How had everything gone so wrong, so quickly?_ She was sure that Dimitri must have made a mistake. Andrei, _her_ Andrei, would never do such a thing. He was a man who wanted peace in the world – who wanted to make a safe place for all of their people. She could not fathom a reason as to why Andrei would want Dimitri killed. Andrei wouldn’t possible do this to her, to them. _It must be a mistake_.

Alina dragged herself to her bed and laid flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

_He’ll be executed in the morning._

She tried to think of a plan, of something she could do to save him, but she knew it was useless. Guards were stationed at her door. Her room did have windows, but unless she discovered a way to sprout wings and fly, she could not get out that way. So instead, she thought about what Dimitri had told her. That Andrei Ivanov was not Andrei Ivanov. That he had plotted to kill Dimitri. Alina wanted to believe that Andrei had never lied to her, but doubt creeped into her mind. She knew from the beginning that it was no mere coincidence that Andrei was placed so close to her – that he had watched her use her gifts and known who she was.

Alina had thought the reason he sought her out was so that she could get the journal hidden at Dom Ogni, and that he was perhaps as curious about her as she was about him. He must’ve felt what she did – the instant connection, the knowing. It had pulled them together. _Is this a dream?_

A loud knock at the door drew Alina out of her thoughts.

“I am coming in to give you dinner,” Yelena yelled through the door. A few moments later, Alina heard the sounds of the door unlatching, and saw Yelena’s head peek in before she hobbled inside and closed the door behind her. Yelena placed a tray on the table next to Alina’s bed, and then stared down at her.

Alina remained still, the faint rise and fall of her chest the only sign that she was still alive. She asked, “Did you tell him?”

“No, but I did not realize you tripped on a traitorous branch. Only you…” Yelena grumbled.

Alina said blankly, “Please leave.”

There was a long pause before Yelena said, “It hurts now, but it will pass.” It was possibly the most empathetic thing Yelena had ever said to Alina. Alina ignored it and fell back into the abyss of her mind. Yelena hobbled back out and Alina made no move to go after her, or to try to get out of the room. She just stayed staring at the ceiling, lying flat on her bed, going through everything in her mind.

At some point she must have fallen asleep because her eyes were closed when she heard it.

“ _Alina._ ” 

It took everything Alina had not to completely fall apart at the sound of his voice. When she opened her eyes, she saw Andrei’s face floating above hers. In the dark of the room, she could just barely make out his messed hair, his ruffled shirt. Even when he looked like a mess, he was still beautiful.

Her hands lifted up to touch his face of their own accord. He let her run her fingers over the smooth skin of his cheekbone and jaw.

“Is this a dream?” She whispered groggily.

His lips curved up into a real, genuine smile, and she ran her fingers along them, too. “I don’t think so.”

It struck her again – the knowing, the recognition. It flashed in his eyes too, their own little secret. Both too afraid to voice whatever it was, because speaking it out loud would name it, and names have power. It would make everything real.

She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him, savoring the warm press of his lips against hers. 

“We have to go,” he said, pulling back from her. He offered her his hand and she took it as he helped her out of the bed. She had never changed, so she still wore the blue, high-collared dress from this morning.

“Go where?”

He said nothing as his hand tightened in hers and he hurried her towards the door.

She started, “The guards-,” but as they reached the door, she noticed it was ajar. As he pulled her into the hallway, they stepped over the still bodies of five soldiers. She tried to stop, to check on them, but he kept pulling her along, down the hallway and to the staircase. Everything was happening so fast that she had no time to think or act as he guided them down one hallway and then another. He knew exactly where he was going, wherever that was.

Andrei slowed just a fraction as they reached the end of a passageway that opened into a large hall. Alina could hear the cacophony of voices and clicking of solider boots up ahead. He looked back at her and put a pointed finger to his lips before he moved them forward.

The large, dimly lit hall was full of people. Men in bright blue officer uniforms were giving orders to whole units of soldiers, who then split off, each subunit heading to different parts of the castle. It looked as though all of the guests from the summit were littered about the room too, many wearing only their nightgowns. Shadows bent around Andrei and Alina as he weaved them through the crowd, somehow keeping them from being seen. It was incredible. Her hand tightened on his and she couldn’t help but hold her breath, fearful that even the sound of their breathing would give them away. Andrei, however, did not seem concerned. He was focused, intent. She caught bits and pieces of conversation as they passed through the crowd undetected.

“He is considered incredibly dangerous-”

“Keeping us like this is completely unacceptable-”

“Check all the rooms-”

“There is no way he is a Shu assassin. He’s too pretty-”

They made it to the other side of the large hall rather quickly and turned down an empty hallway. After a couple of turns and a flight of stairs, they stopped in front of a room and Andrei pulled them inside without even knocking on the door.

It looked like a guest room, though it seemed to be currently unused, as the bed was neatly made and there didn’t appear to be any clothes or items around. Andrei finally let go of Alina’s hand as he went to a dresser and began rummaging through it. Now that she was standing still, everything she had learned earlier in the evening came rushing back to the forefront of her mind.

She asked, “Where are we going?”

“There is too much going on here right now. We will go away for a while and come back when the time is right.”

“Those men outside my room… you did that didn’t you.” It was not really a question, and he did not even deign to answer it. “Are they dead?”

He kept rummaging through the drawer, searching for something. “Does it matter?”

“It does,” she said. He stopped searching and looked at her. “It matters to me.”

His expression was emotionless when he said, “I did what I had to, Alina. I will never apologize for that.”

As had been happening all day, another piece of her heart broke at hearing his words.

He smiled as he finally found something, a satchel, and hauled it out of the dresser. He checked its contents as he walked back to where Alina stood in the middle of the room.

“It is true, isn’t it.”

Andrei stopped a few feet from Alina and studied her. He looked annoyed. “What is?”

“You wanted to kill Dimitri. You plotted to destroy him.” Her voice was blank, calm. She searched his face and although his expression gave nothing away, she could sense the truth anyway.

“We don’t have time for this.” He reached for her, but she backed away. “Come with me, Alina,” he said carefully.

“No.”

Surprise and hurt flashed across his face before he shuttered his expression. “You would choose that pathetic _otkazat’sya_ over me?”

“I won’t let you hurt him.” Dimitri was like a father to her. She would not abandon him, nor would she standby as others tried to get rid of him. Even if one of those people was someone she loved.

Andrei said, the barely restrained anger clear in his voice, “He has locked you away. Kept everything from you.”

“He’s protected me,” Alina defended, even as something in her faltered.

He huffed a laugh, “Is that what he told you?” Andrei prowled closer to her as he added, “Has he told you about all the _heroic_ things he has done to protect you? About the Grisha he has executed?”

She flinched, but she held her ground as he drew closer.

“About the peasants he leaves starving outside his walls?” He crooned.

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “About the things he has let happen to his own people to keep power? About the _dolina_ he let the Shu raid?”

_The valley_.

Alina’s heart stopped. “What are you talking about?”

“Dimitri knew the Shu were coming and did nothing to stop them. He wanted to use the village as an example. Your perfect _otkazat’sya_ father wanted to show his people what happens when they stop paying their share.”

She couldn’t breathe. “You’re lying.”

He continued, unrelenting, “Did you know that most of the villagers were actually spared? They knew what the Shu were most interested in. In return for their lives, they sold-out a family of suspected Grisha.”

Alina collapsed; her legs no longer able to hold herself up. “ _You’re lying_.” She gasped.

He threw a journal at her feet. “I have no need to lie.”

Alina picked it up off the ground. It was worn, with a simple tanned leather cover. Her fingers fumbled with it quickly, as she flipped to a page that had already been bookmarked and started reading.

… _Losses from the raid were relatively minor and news of the attack has already spread throughout Dva Stolba. Overall, a success, but it doesn’t feel like one anymore. I have been told that the girl we picked up matches the description of one Alina Starkov. Her parents were suspected Grisha and my soldiers are still in the process of verifying reports from the night of the attack_ …

Alina frantically flipped to the next bookmarked page.

… _She’s taken as well as one would expect given the circumstances. She reminds me of my younger self – stubborn, empathetic. I learned recently that she has a penchant for art, too. But it is hard, sometimes, to be around her. I can’t help but remember that I did this to her. That she is in this situation because of me. Yelena says I should just take her to one of the local orphanages, but I will not abandon her now. She reminds me of what is good in the world, what is really important. When I look at her, I see the person that I wish I still was…_

She dropped the journal suddenly as if it burned her hands. Dimitri had known. He had always known who she was, what she was. He was the reason she had no home.

Andrei kneeled before her and gently brushed away the tears streaming down her cheeks with his knuckles. “There is more," he said softly. "He ruminates on it often.” 

Alina stared at journal as more pieces clicked together in her mind. “You took his journal. You’ve been in his office. You could’ve gotten the book. You- you never needed me to get your journal.” She looked up at him. “What do you want from me?”

His eyes were shining, glimmering a bright grey. “Everything,” he said it so simply, like it was some widely known fact. A certainty. Meanwhile she was trembling, falling apart. He cupped her cheek in his hand.

“I barely know you,” she cried.

“You are the _only_ one that knows me.” He gave her a small smile. “Don’t you remember?”

She did. She had dreamed of the boy and his shadows many times, just like she had dreamed of witches and wizards. It had always been nothing but a dream, until...

_She was still a girl. A girl that had a home, then. She was sitting on her bed, staring at the moon as it flickered in the sky outside her window, casting a pale glow into her room. Suddenly, a boy appeared at the foot of her bed. A boy with thick, black hair and glimmering grey eyes. They locked eyes instantly, and he appeared to be as surprised as she was._

_“Is this a dream?” The girl asked._

_The boy looked around. “I don’t think so,” he said._

_She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “That is exactly what a dream would say.”_

_The boy smiled, then he studied her. “What is your name?”_

_She had never had someone in a dream ask her what her name was, but she supposed there was a first time for everything._

_“Alina,” she said proudly._

_“Alina,” he echoed, testing the sound of her name on his lips._

_She asked, “And yours?”_

_He seemed to ponder it for a moment, before he said…_

“Aleksander.” She had always remembered, and then had tried to forget, but the truth rose like a tide in her now, unstoppable. All those years she had dreamt of a boy and his shadows – not a girl’s wild imagination, but _real_.

Aleksander’s eyes flickered at the sound of his name before he released a long breath, as if he had been holding it his entire life.

“Alina.”

Despite everything she had learned, when it all became too much, she fell into him. Heavy sobs wracked her body as she held on for dear life, her face buried in his shirt. He held her close, murmuring words of comfort and pressing soft kisses to the top of her head as he brushed her hair back.

“My Alina,” he whispered. 

_Did you really think you could hide from me?_

“We were meant to find each other,” he murmured. “To be together, always. We are meant to discover the secrets of the world _together_ , so that we can make it a safe place for all of our people. I know it.”

_Our people_. She realized now that they both had different definitions for “people”. All Aleksander cared about were the Grisha, about their well-being. If destroying every non-Grisha would make his people safe, he would do it. She wondered, _If destroying her would make his people safe, would he do it?_

“Come with me,” he whispered into her hair. “ _Please._ ”

She had already made her decision. Her face was still pressed against his chest, hands gripping his shirt.

“I can’t,” she cried.

Aleksander stiffened, and he tried to reason with her, desperately, “You can-”

“I _won’t,_ ” Alina said more definitively. Then, she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Somehow, in this position, none of their skin touched. She had no direct connection to him, to his emotions. Maybe if she did, she would’ve known what was coming. Things might’ve ended up differently. But she did not. And they did not.

Suddenly, her breathing slowed, and her eyelids became heavy. Aleksander’s voice was the last thing she heard before it all went dark.

“Then I will do what I must.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended it on a _little_ bit of a cliffhanger. Do y'all hate me for that?? Let me know in the comments. :)
> 
> Next time: Repercussions  
> Updates every week/every other weekish  
> I sometimes post teasers on my [Tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/moussescientist)


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